The Gift of You

Our Kids are Finalists...

2011-05-03T10:51:00.001-03:00

Hi everyone,
Our kids have been chosen as finalists in a photography Contest hosted by JUDE WOOD PHOTOGRAPHY here in PEI. We would love to have your support to vote for them! If we win, we will be getting a family photo shoot done of our family - something we haven't done since we adopted Evan almost 3 years ago! We would love to have a family photo that includes Evan and an amazing foster child who is a special part of our family.

In this contest, whichever picture has the most "likes" through facebook WINS. All you have to do is click HERE and then LIKE Jude Wood Photography at the top of her facebook page. Then scroll down her wall posts until you see the link for "Small Moments that make your life BIG". Click on it and see all the families entered....our children are the bottom, right hand side. Click "like" on our photo and you have voted for us.
THANK YOU!!!
Tammy and the gang

Where have the months gone?

2010-05-11T12:29:00.004-03:00

So it's obvious I haven't posted in several months. There have been so many times I wanted to write but then just couldn't do it. There are 2 major "things" that have been transpiring since January and I'm not allowed to publicly talk about them. So, it was just easier to not update.

I'm still not able to say much but I do feel a bit of resolution and perhaps a positive outcome can still happen!

Life in general at the MacKinnon house is very good. The kids are great - healthy, happy, doing well in school, getting along together pretty good. Life has been a lot calmer since I left my job at Canadian Blood Services - I am LOVING being home. I am selling Silpada Jewellery and really, really enjoy it. Silpada makes a fine piece of jewellery but best of all it is Fair Trade. I am proud to visit people's home and share our jewellery with them. Click here if you want to read more or are interested in hosting a party. (Great hostess benefits...FREE jewellery).

Chris and I are starting to really experience life with "tweens". All of you out there changing diapers and chasing toddlers around - ENJOY IT! Actually, it's not all terrible. Caleb is an incredible baby sitter for Evan and Alyssa. They love it when he looks after them, jumps on the trampoline with them, reads to them, lets them stay up later than they're supposed to....

It's true that kids begin to think their parents don't know anything. I keep trying to tell Caleb that I am a highly educated, ambitious, motivated and "with-it" adult so I know what I'm talking about. But he's not buying it. Seriously, he thinks he knows more than me!

Dylan is not quite there yet (he's 11) - although he can beat me any day at a game of "Boggle" and just about any other game but I'm still smarter than him. Those games don't matter. I'm still smarter.

Alyssa and Evan are doing great. Alyssa is now part of a competitive gymnastics team and she is so adorable. Every time I watch her do her little mat routine I want to cry. So, so sweet. Evan has come so far. We have noticed many changes in his behavior (for the better) in the last 6 months. He is much more settled, seems more calm. He used to be so antsy it was like he was trying to get out of his own skin. Sometimes we couldn't hug him or be close to him, he just couldn't handle it. Much, much better now. He still talks about China all the time. Still longs to see his "mama and baba" in China. Is nervous that he won't be able to go back to China because he forgets a lot of the language. Still insists China is better in every way. Their fish is better. Their cheese is better. Their rice and noodles are better. ALL food in China is way better than ours. But, he did tell me the other day there was one thing better about Canada than China - his family. He is so precious. And really, that's the most important thing anyway so I'm glad (almost 2 years later) he is able to say he is happy with his Canadian family! :-)

There may be some exciting news to share down the road.....would love to spill it but it may be premature so I'll wait. Don't want to jinx anything.

I tried to get the camera to upload some pics from Mother's Days but my boys have once again claimed it. They love to make movies with our camera and every time I go to use it the batteries are dead. Then when I get it working again, I download tons of footage of zombie and vampire movies starring my children and their friends. Fake blood and everything. Life. You just never know where it will take you.

What's up?

2010-04-30T20:27:00.009-03:00

It's totally time for an update! SO much has been happening...I was going back through the blog and it's been kinda "deep" hasn't it? And no real update on the family or any pictures. Hmmmm, I've been negligent. :-(

All the kids are doing great! It's hard to believe only 37 more days of school and then SUMMER BREAK! I can't wait! I resigned from my job at Canadian Blood Services and finished up on April 1st. Now I am home and LOVING it. Seriously, life has just sort of settled down. Much less chaos. More time hanging out together. Just all around better.

2010-01-31T09:55:00.009-04:00

"As I turn up the collar on my favorite winter coat

This wind is blowing my mind!

I see the kids in the street with not enough to eat

Who am I to be blind, pretending not to see their needs?"

~Lyrics from "Man in the Mirror"~

These are some common phrases I hear when discussing helping others -whether about adoption, giving financially, being involved in service trips, spending $$ on ourselves rather than helping others, etc...

"You can't save them all"

This one bothers me the most. Like it's an excuse to not even try. People tell me this all the time - usually when I'm talking about wanting to adopt again or if I tell them about specific children who need to be adopted before they lose their chance. Are people forgetting we are talking about living, breathing human beings? Helpless, hopeless, innocent children? So, we can't save 147 million orphans so we should ignore them and carry on with our own "blessed" lives. Like somehow it's our right to have a great life but not the orphans' right.

It would be interesting to see the people who say this during a time when their child's life was at stake.

"I work hard so I deserve to enjoy my money" (and all the materialistic things it can buy)

Okay, a little perspective. In North America we work in heated/air conditioned buildings (depending on season), if we work outside, we alter our work schedule with the seasons so we are not left out in the elements for hours on end, we work 7.5 hour days with 2 coffee breaks and a 1/2 hour lunch break (usually taken in fully equipped lunch rooms), people who work 12 hour shifts are compensated by getting more days off so they still only work the 37.5 hour work week, those who work longer hours or more days can do so at their own choice and with compensation, most jobs offer vacation time, sick time, personal days, mental health days, we also have the option of taking days off and not being fired, sometimes we are offered health insurance, free uniforms, free or discounted merchandise at the place we work, RRSP options, life insurance, sometimes employees even get free vehicles to drive around, housing allowances, food allowances, all-expense paid trips and certainly tax breaks for all our hard work!

In India right now there are men and women who are digging a lake - they are paid pennies to build this lake everyday. Guess how they are building it? With their hands. This is the truth. They are digging the lake with their hands! For pennies! For long, long hours every single day.

In poor countries all around the world there are children as young as age 5 who are working in fields for 14 hours a day. Every day. They will not go to school to be educated to get a better job.

In countries around the world there are children, both boys and girls, as young as age 4 who are being sold into the sex trade. They are made to "service" men with sex. As young as age 4. Every day they are forced to perform sex acts with adults. And other people are making money off these children.

Men and women in Third World countries work 14-16 hours every single day in sweatshops, making as little as $1/day. They work in disgusting, dirty and unsafe places to make $1/day.

Children in Guatemala (and may other countries) spend every day digging through garbage dumps looking for small items they can sell so they can feed themselves.

Oh yes! Here in North America we sure work hard for our money, don't we!

"I give money to charity, what more can I do?"

Giving money is easy. Usually when we give money, we give it when we've taken care of ourselves and we've bought all the little "extras" we want. Then, if there's a bit left over we'll pass it on to a charity and feel like we've done our part. When do we give when it's a sacrifice on our part? Imagine if we gave $2000 and sacrificed our yearly vacation trip? Imagine if we gave $20,000 and sacrificed having a 2nd vehicle? Imagine if we gave $75/month and gave up our cable? Imagine if we gave up $100/month and didn't eat out once at a restaurant? But those are the things we love! We want to do those things! It is much more difficult to give when it means we go without something.

Giving money is a start. But giving money doesn't change a person. Loving, caring and interacting personally with others is what changes us. When Jesus tells us to "Love One Another" and to "Love Your Neighbor", I believe He means for us to love them personally, not with cash.

I am so guilty of all of this. There are days where I am so selfish and want new things for my house or I dream of going down south and getting a break (because my life is so hard, right?!), or I want to eat out because I love food and it's easier than making a big meal at home, I want to buy my kids the latest name brands because surely they'd fit in better, and on and on and on....

None of those selfish wants is God's desire for my life. He has asked us to love Him and love others. He did not ask me to love things. He didn't say it would be the easy way, He said it would be hard. But He said it would be the way full of hope, redemption and joy!

I truly want to stop thinking it's my right to have everything that is available to me - I want to choose others over selfish wants!

"When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will sit on his throne in heavenly glory. All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate the people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. He will put the sheep on his right and the goats on his left.

Then the King will say to those on his right, 'Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.'

Then the righteous will answer him, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?'

The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'

Then he will say to those on his left, 'Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.'
They also will answer, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?' He will reply, ‘I tell you the truth, whatever you did not do for the least of these brother’s of mine, you did not do for me.’

Then they will go away to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life.”

~Matthew 25~

2010-01-20T13:20:00.004-04:00

Hi friends!
This is an URGENT plea. The two boys listed below are little cuties from Reece's Rainbow. They are both very, very close to turning 4 and need families before they do. They live in a very poor area and all children at their orphanage are transferred on their 4th birthday. They will be transferred to an institution that cannot give them even the basic necessities for living. 80% of the children who are transferred die within the first year. This is not to be dramatic...this is the truth and reality for these children. PLEASE won't you consider these boys? Please spread the word and let the adoption community know of these two precious children. Paper ready families are ideal because there is such a time constraint...BUT if you are interested (and not paper ready), PLEASE contact Andrea immediately!

Don't forget these children....

Dennis (9)

BOY, Born March 18, 2006

Dennis has lost his family at the 11th hour, and is in crisis need of a paper-ready, USCIS approved family to save him from an institution he can't be adopted out of.

Dennis is a darling little boy with blonde hair and big blue eyes. He is not very active, and he struggles with pulmonary artery stenosis and rickets. He needs to get HOME, so he can have adequate medical care, sunshine, nutrition....so he really has a chance to achieve his true potential. He is an orphanage favorite, but he won't survive a transfer to the institution. Please consider rescuing this munchkin!!

Regrettably, this orphanage is one of the poorer ones, with very little outside aid and very little hope. All of the children are tiny and undernourished. These children are immediately transferred at 4, and have little chance of survival where they are sent. All of our waiting children need families, but these have a critical need. Please consider one of these children soon!!

Dennis has a grant of $5000 for the family who chooses this little sweetie!!!

The most difficult part is that Dennis is literally WEEKS from transfer to the institution, one he can not be adopted out of. We are desperately seeking a paper-ready, USCIS ready family who would be willing to specifically request him so he can be saved. Other photos available, we have had several families adopt from this orphanage previously as well.

ALEC

-
BOY, Born June 2, 2006

Baby Alec....goodness, even at 3, he is still so much a baby. Alec is HEALTHY, with no heart condition. He does struggle with rickets (lack of Vitamin D), which can be helped once home. It is critical to get him home so his bones are not permanently damaged from it. He has also has cryptorchidism. This can often be corrected with surgery (if just undescended). He needs a mama who can love him and hold him and not leave him sitting all day long. He needs SUNSHINE!!

Alec has a grant of $5000 for the family who chooses this amazing little boy!

2010-01-18T09:39:00.006-04:00

An amazing ministry in Haiti....read updates on what is happening in Haiti...next time we grab a glass of water or we give our children a hug, say a prayer for the suffering in Haiti!

CLICK HERE to donate to Cry Haiti (Canadians can get an income tax receipt too, but really at this point, who cares!)

I've also added a button on the right hand side to donate financially through another organization "Compassion".

Other important news from Haiti:

HAITIAN PRESIDENT RENE PREVAL HAS GIVEN PERMISSION FOR ALL CHILDRN IN THE ADOPTION PROCESS TO LEAVE HAITI AND JOIN THEIR "FOREVER" FAMILIES IN THEIR ADOPTIVE COUNTRIES!

Not only is this great news for families waiting for their children, it means more orphans can be taken in by these orphanages and get the care they really, really need right now.

So much help and prayer is needed!

Here she is....

2010-01-15T13:05:00.015-04:00

Here is the little darling that captured my heart. No denying she is precious, that's for sure.

The reality is this: this little one needs a family. You can see by reading her profile below that she is going to be transferred soon to another institution (for severely disabled children - which she is not!). She will turn 6 in June and that's when she will be transferred.

I believe God wants a family for this little girl. I'm not sure if He is leading us to her or is only using us to find her a family.

Cara (and ALL the children through Reece's Rainbow) have an adoption fund set up to

financially help families who might be interested in adopting. Cara currently has $210 in her fund. If you want to donate to her fund or to any child's fund just click HERE and scroll down to her name or any child you wish to donate to. Sometimes a family would truly love to adopt and has the love and support to give a child but they simply do not have the money available to them to adopt. This is why Reece's Rainbow offers adoption funds for the children - in hopes that it will help families be able to adopt these amazing children.

I would love to ask you to pray for Chris' heart, that God would change it and he would be open to adopting Cara. But, that would be purely selfish on my part and this is not about me. So,

instead, please, please pray for little Cara and that her family, the one God has chosen for her will find her quickly! (and maybe even Mary Margaret, too! Read below...)

CARA

Look at this little doll baby!

Cara is HEALTHY, and quite high functioning. She is very active and happy and affectionate. She will

be a wonderful addition to any family. We are seeking a family quickly for both her and Mary Margaret, as

they are both nearing the time when they must be transferred to the home for

severely disabled children (no other place to go). This beauty was abandoned at

birth, and has been living at the children's home since that time.

From her caregivers: Emotionally: She has a high self esteem, very social, calm and

cooperating with others, loves and enjoyes life. Very positive for her age, and is always smiling. She receives therapy
at the CREE and goes to the Rafael Arganiz School where she receives special treatment
for Down syndrome.

Cara is in the same orphanage with Mary Margaret, and both

girls could be adopted together.

Meet little Miss Mary Margaret

Who will you love?

2010-01-10T08:17:00.013-04:00

In light of my last post I feel crazy for writing this....

I was looking through a photolisting of waiting children and my heart stopped as I saw a picture of a precious little girl with down syndrome. I looked through TONS of photos and read the children's profiles and my heart ached for each child. But nothing like what happened when I saw this particular child. I'm not sure what it was....she's beautiful (but so are all the other children), and initially maybe it's because I thought she looked like our sweet, sweet Alyssa Li. Let's just say I haven't felt even a stirring of this much longing since the day we downloaded Evan's picture and saw him for the first time.

Okay...so I got excited and showed Chris her picture. Yes, my heart was pounding and I was really hoping Chris would get the same vibes as me. But, he didn't. And I wasn't the least bit surprised. He said "She's cute but we are NOT adopting again". Okay...so not to sound flippant (and I mean that!) but I have heard that line before! Past experience has shown me his "No" can turn into a "yes" and it did - twice! Really, 3 times if you consider that together we made a decision to keep our current foster child long term (for us, this means making a commitment to be her family in every way). He has opened his life and his home to care for this foster child.

So, do we have a lot on our plate? Absolutely. Do we have a house full of kids that sometimes takes up every ounce of our energy? Absolutely. Do we already struggle to find time to spend with each child? Absolutely. Are we challenged with very difficult issues in some of our children?

Absolutely.

I know all this. It doesn't change the fact that I saw a picture and felt a deep stirring and longing in my heart. Whether this child will ever be ours or if she will find another family, there is a stirring that I cannot ignore and I can't sit back and do nothing.

Which of the children does Jesus love the absolute most? Which ones are the most precious in His sight? Which child does Jesus ache for and love with a love so filled with compassion?

Each and every single one of them! He doesn't only love the most beautiful. The most healthy. The most well behaved. The most "adjustable". The most endearing. He loves each and every single child the same. Because each child is HIS child. Like Alyssa, Evan, Caleb and Dylan are OUR children. I truly believe we are to have that same love for each and every child. ("love your neighbour as yourself"...read THIS amazing post and scroll down to Nov 20, 2009)

This is what I've come to learn...this life, this moment in time that is called my life (because let's face it, 100 hundred years ago no one knew of me and in 100 years, no one will remember me) is not about me. It's not about my children and it's not about any children out there needing a family. It is ONLY about Christ and glorifying His Name. Loving and honoring Him. So, every reason we can think of NOT to adopt is about us. Not about Him.

Does our house have enough room for another child? Absolutely. (especially now that we've started the renos) Do we have the capacity to love another person, another child? Absolutely. Do we have the resources in PEI to raise a child with Down Syndrome? Absolutely. Does Jesus call

us to love our neighbour as ourselves? Absolutely.

"Whatever you did for the least of these, you have done for me" (Matt. 25:46)

But again, I'm not saying we are going to adopt. But now that I know about these precious children, I cannot sit back and pretend they don't exist or don't need families. So, my friend and I are thinking of ways we can advocate for these children and raise money to help families adopt

them. There will be MUCH more to come on this...we are working on the details of a new website and then we will spread the word about it!

I encourage you...challenge you to start thinking, dreaming, hoping, longing, wishing, praying about these children, maybe one or two are waiting for you!

The site is REECE's RAINBOW - Canadians CAN adopt these children. If you see a child that you are interested in, email the contact info listed with that child. You can see photos and read their profiles. These children come from Ukraine, Russia, China, Tawain, Serbia, India, Haiti and several other countries. Canadians CAN adopt them!! There are many agencies in Canada who will help families adopt from several different countries.

Click HERE right now to see the amazing children who are waiting.....

A New Year, A New Day, A New Hope

2010-01-03T19:35:00.006-04:00

I'm taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly....

The buildup to Christmas was not the happy and relaxed time with family that I had earnestly hoped for...our life is too busy to even enjoy moments like these with the kids. 2 days before Christmas and on Christmas day, I just cried. I regretted everything th

at took me away from enjoying my children during such a special time of year. The build-up, the anticipation always has such high expectation and I felt like I failed miserably. I know for certain if you asked the children they would happily exclaim that Christmas was "great" and "fun". I've even heard a couple of them declare "this was the best Christmas ever!".

But I guess I had high expectations for myself and what I wanted to "accomplish" this season - I had big plans of baking authentic Chinese and Colombian food to honor the cultures in our home, I planned to have some quiet evenings watching our favorite Christmas movies and eating christmas candy and treats, I envisioned taking all the kids downtown to walk through the light display and then getting hot chocolate and laughing together....

I'm going to be honest...raising 5 kids takes A LOT of time and energy. Sometimes I deny

this to myself and truly make myself believe that I can do everything I did when we had 2 children. When we had 2 children I owned my own business and worked the hours I chose, my husband worked 1 job and our children were young and weren't in any extra curricular activities...fast forward to now....I have 2 jobs, my husband works 2 jobs, we are full time foster parents and all 5 children are involved in one activity (does hockey count as one activity when it's 5 nights a week???) So, technically, I should be giving myself a break...lowering my expectations a little, right?! But, I didn't. I made myself believe I was superwoman and could do it all.

Christmas Eve we had a big party with our friends and family...this is how crazy my day was...when people arrived at 7:00 I didn't even have the punch made or any of the appetizers ready, no food out for people to munch on. I did, however, have 5 additional

children who were beyond excited and extremely adorable!!!! Hours before our party I found out about 8 children who didn't have anyone to help them celebrate Christmas...our 5 kids each picked one of the children (I got 3 children and the mom!) and we headed to town to buy some Christmas gifts. We also invited the children to our home to celebrate Christmas Eve with us...only 5 could come as the others were too young to come to our home without their mom.

That was the highlight of our Christmas. Beautiful, precious little things who LOVED having gifts to put under their Christmas tree, kids who begged to come back to our house for more play time (and how could I refuse them?) and the next day we spoke to them and heard how happy they were with their 2 gifts each. A lesson for all of us...

So, the authentic Chinese and Colombian baking did not get done, we did not watch many Christmas movies (just Elf) and we most certainly did not make it down to the light show and drink hot chocolate.

After Christmas day, though, we DID manage to get some down time...all the children's activities shut down for Christmas break - except hockey but we LOVED watching Dylan and Caleb play in the tournament (and rink fries are really tasty!)...we had my parents come for a visit, I had 2 different families over for visits, we watched lots of movies (we even watched 2 in one day!), we had time to play games with the kids - like seriously, I can't remember when I had the leisure of sitting and playing games. I know this should be a "normal" thing to do in a family but the last year has proven to be anything but normal for us.

So, now it's 2010...a new year, every day will be a new day, with new hope....

We are making changes to help set the mood for 2010....

1. I resigned from my job at Canadian Blood Services...less money but hopefully more sanity!

2. We have been dealing with some challenges with a couple of our children...fostering and adopting has many challenges...for us, facing the reality of this and then doing everything in our power to get the right support has been vital...we feel better equipped now t

hat we know what these challenges entail and ways to work through them so each child can reach his/her full potential.

3. A few renovations to our home which will provide adequate space and a comfortable living area so ALL OF US can remain sane under this small roof! :-)

4. A new attitude that each and every child that lives in my home (now and in the future) is God's child and although I do not have the energy and patience to endure my crazy life, God absolutely does.

So, here we go...into 2010.

Happy New Year everyone!

*Note: Unfortunately I can't add pics right now...most of the pictures I took over Christmas include our foster child as well as the other children and I'm not able to post a foster child's picture online.

We're All In This Together

2009-11-21T19:53:00.001-04:00

The last few months have been challenging for me personally. I am longing to live a life that is radical....I find it so hard to do here. Our society just doesn't get "it". By "it" I mean the heartache and hurt of people all around us - heartache and hurt that we have the capacity to CHANGE, to make a DIFFERENCE. People here seem so complacent, content to live in their own bubble. Our society only wants to hear about something if it can benefit them; what's the best car to drive, the newest sound system, the latest technology, the biggest house, the coolest renovations, the hottest name brand....

I cannot get my head around this mindset of greediness and selfishness. Sometimes I want to be like that. Sometimes I find myself thinking "if only I had this, if only I had that"....and I have to give my head a shake!

The 5 children in our home represent 3 different countries. 3 of my children came to me broken, grieving and suffering more loss than anyone should in a lifetime. My babies. My sweet, precious little babies (no matter what age they are!). What if we had turned our hearts against hearing about orphans? What if we made a choice to get a bigger house rather than paying for our adoptions? What if we had chosen to turn away from the truth of people's pain, brokenness and lonliness so that we could just carry on with our blissfully happy life?

People, I wouldn't have 3 of my sweet, precious, little babies! My babies. They wouldn't be here. They wouldn't be filling my heart to near bursting with gratitude for their presence in my life every single day! I would not be inspired to be a more caring and loving person. I would not look into their faces every day and see the amazing miracle of their lives! Living and breathing right here in our house. The essence of Christ's love living right under my roof.

I encourage you. I challenge you. Please choose to live a radical life. Love Jesus so fully that you can't help but have His love spill over and touch another person's life.

Recipes!

2009-11-08T16:34:00.004-04:00

Our family represents 3 different countries and we love to try out foods from around the world. I am not the best cook but every now and then I brave a new recipe to try and incoporate some culture into our eating!

This recipe comes from Columbia and our family's newest member made it for me today...it was actually quite delicious!!!

POTATO and EGG SOUP

Slice up a 5-6 potatoes in a pot.

Add water just to cover the potatoes.
Add about the same amount of milk as water.

Bring to boil and cook until potatoes are soft.

Add salt and pepper.

Make sure the heat is turned down to medium and crack 3 eggs into the pot (on top of the potato soup mixture) DO NOT STIR in the eggs...you want the eggs to stay whole, like a fried egg. Let the eggs cook in the hot soup for about 5 mintues.

Serve it up! Makes about 3-4 servings.

If you have a recipe from around the world to share, please leave it in the comments section or send me an email!!!

Also, this is a great website filled with recipes from countries that allow international adoptions. Click on over and try out some of these cultural delights to help celebrate National Adoption Month!

2009-11-06T08:26:00.005-04:00

Here is a calendar link that gives ideas of something to do EACH day of NOVEMBER to celebrate National Adoption Month...It's got some great links and ideas...be sure to check it out!

Check out the Magazine...

--
There are some neat tips and ideas on scrapbooking your adopted child's memories, their lifestory and their everyday life with you! Click HERE to read more!

National Adoption Month

2009-11-04T12:23:00.003-04:00

November is here....after a crazy busy last week of October! 3 of our children had birthdays last week - we had 4 parties and then all the Halloween fun - carving pumpkins, decorating the house with spooky things, finding costumes for everyone and then the actual trick or treating. WHEW!

Moving on to November....
November is National Adoption Month! I would LOVE to hear feedback from everyone on ways you've been touched by adoption, adoption moments, adoption blogs, great adoption books or anything and everything that has to do with adoption. Throughout the month I'm going to be adding some adoption tidbits on my blog...quotes, statistics, blogs, books, resources, etc....

If you are an adoptive parent, an adopted child, social worker, teacher, friend, anyone who has something to share about adoption, leave it in the comment section. If you have an adoption blog, please leave the link and I'll post it on my blog!

More later,
Tammy

Dance on...

2009-10-27T09:03:00.006-03:00

WOW...obviously everyone who reads this blog knows how personally attacked I felt by Ms. Anonymous (Ms. Sonshine??) and her comments. Just plain mean and spiteful. But, since those nasty comments, a few things have happened....

1. My friend, M wrote the most incredible comment (posted in yesterday's comment section) that brought tears to my eyes. She is someone who knows me to my deepest level...the good, the bad and the ugly. And even though she has seen the "ugly" in me, she knows my heart and what a wonderful message she left for me. It truly restored me.

2. Reading the encouraging and kind comments from you guys...thank you!!!! It is such a boost to have people stick up for me and you guys made me feel so much better!

3. My husband asked me why I was letting Ms. Anonymous get to me - he said our life, our family, our journey is so much bigger than her nasty comments. He told me I didn't need to write anything in response to her comments, I have no reason to justify or to clarify for her. Nothing like a logical man to bring me down from my emotional high horse!

4. A lady called me on the phone last night....literally someone we have not seen or heard from personally in 3 years. She called me to specifically ask me how all our children were doing and to tell me what an amazing family we were (whether that's true or not, it is nice to hear!). She encouraged me for over 1/2 hour telling me how blessed our children were, how we would be blessed and how surely God is looking favorably on us for how we are caring for His children. She called me without even having a clue what was going on in my life or what had been written on this blog (she doesn't read the blog). Isn't that incredible??? The timing was miraculous.

5. After reading Ms. Anonymous' comments, I browsed other blogs that I sometimes find comfort in. One of them is called "A Life of Simplicity". This family has 9 adopted children and the mom truly "gets" it....adoption is not about how big (or small) your family is, it is about specific children, each one as amazingly special and worthy as another. I went to this post - crazy how she was writing EXACTLY what I was being criticized for!!!!!!! It was a God thing, I'm sure.

And to sum it all up, everything our family bases our choices on is this quote:

And really, I have to come back to the fact that we sing and dance for an audience of ONE - Jesus Christ – the King of Kings, the Lord of Lords – the lover, protector and defender of orphans – OUR Miracle-working, Mountain-moving, Awe-inspiring, Gasp-giving God whom we praise with all our might, day and night!! He is the only one we sing and dance for. He will, Lord willing, one day say: “Well done thou good and faithful servant. You were faithful with little. You were faithful when I gave you much. I am pleased with you.”

Oh my goodness....I am so thankful that all of these incidents helped me bring my focus back on what is really important...honoring Christ by loving His little children.

To answer my own question....

2009-10-24T20:31:00.010-03:00

What are our family's thoughts on raising children from different cultural backgrounds?

I think both Chris and I would agree that it is challenging to raise culturally different children in a community and province that is primarily caucasian. We "think" we are preparing our children and we are trying to read as much and prepare as much but in reality, we have no idea what we will face in the next 5-20 years with our children. I may "think" I'm doing things right because I'm teaching my children about their culture, showing them their country and educating them on their traditions and history. But, even in doing all this, we will never be able to understand what it means to lose a birth culture, to constantly wonder about birth families but have no way to get answers, to feel like we don't fit in completely here in Canada nor do we fit in completely in our homeland. Will I know when my child is hurting from being the only asian? the only african? the only south american? When it's time, will I be able to let them go to "find themselves" in their birth countries if that's what they chose. Will I be strong enough to accept that it's not a slight against me if they choose to pursue their birth families or culture? That their anger and hurt may be directed at us because we thought we could give them everything they needed but instead we took them from everything they had?

Do I think children should be placed in similar cultural backgrounds/religion? Actually, I do. If a child can be cherished and loved in a family of similar background then I think they have the right to grow up learning and embracing their cultures first hand.

I am also of the mindset that children can certainly thrive and become happy, well adjusted adults growing up in families that are not of the same cultural background. Obviously, if there is no other choice, a child should go with a family of any cultural background if they will be loved, protected, cherished and safe. I also think past bonds can play a big part in what is best for a child. If a child already has strong, healthy attachment to a family or person, then it would be best to strengthen that bond. Do you know there are thousands of children who go through their life without having any healthy attachments? It is so sad. And if a family from another culture can provide a child with a healthy attachment, then so be it.

Obviously I'm a strong advocate for adoption. I love adoption and what it has done for our family. But I don't kid myself...adoption presents many, many challenges. Our family's responsibilities to our adopted children are so much more than simply loving them. I'm also a strong advocate for families staying together. Probably more so now that we've adopted than before. Through fostering, we've realized how important the birth connection is to a child (even when the birth connection is not good). Children crave a birth connection...they want to know on some level that their birth parents loved them and wanted them. So, there are tons of cases where keeping families together and providing supports for them to be together is best.

Oh, there are no easy answers, that's for sure. I think the bottom line for me is, I truly, truly believe all children need and deserve to be loved by a family. To be protected, safe and cherished by someone.

Even though some may think our family is too big or too overwhelming, I really believe we will continue fostering and adopting as long as there is a need. It is difficult, it is overwhelming and exhausting, yet every day I see the miracle of the children living in my home. How could I not want to be part of more miracles???

********************

"No one said it would be easy....they just said it would be worth it" (on having children)

Thank you to those who answered my question in the last post. It is a controversial issue and there certainly isn't a right answer or simple answer. I know Chris and I will have to "face the music" with Alyssa and Evan (and any other child we may adopt) in the future as they struggle to figure out all the "whys"....why were they abandoned, why didn't their parents want them enough, why were they taken from everything they knew, why were they raised in an all-white community, etc...

What do you think?

2009-10-20T16:52:00.003-03:00

Ontario has a mandate to place children who are available for adoption into homes with similar cultural backgrounds.

Even though I may have lived with a particlar child and created a bond, our family would be overlooked so the child could live in a family with an african background, practicing the Muslim religion.

What do you think?

Is it fair to discriminate based on cultural backgrounds and religious beliefs?

Or, if 2 families can love a child equally, is it truly best for a child to be raised in the family who shares their cultural roots and religious beliefs?

There are no right or wrong answers but it is an interesting topic to discuss and obviously this is important to our family as we are currently raising 3 children from different cultural backgrounds.

I'd love to hear your points of view.

And that's That!

2009-10-17T10:48:00.002-03:00

Visit with little one was really, really great. Exactly as I remembered little one to be...full of joy, smiles, laughter and still LOVES to chatter and talk. Why is my life always filled with children who LOVE to talk, incessently, all the time???? (Okay, okay...so I love to talk too!)

I'm going to call little one "N" in this post...it's easier than writing "little one".

N seemed very happy. This is good....I want N to be happy. I think there was part of me hoping N wasn't happy so I could wisk N away and make N happy. N told me, "I love my life". Is it possible for a heart to break while it is also filled with relief and happiness? I truly, truly want N to be happy. I am sad because N can be happy without us. But that's okay.

It seems there will be no movement on the adoption side of things for at least another year or more. Each day that passes, N becomes more settled in life, more attached to the family N lives with. And that's the way it should be.

What do I feel?

If I'm brutally honest, I feel disappointed...disappointed that the courts have and still continue to take so long with this case. I'm disappointed that as each month passes, our family's chance at this particular adoption gets smaller and smaller.

Again, being brutally honest, I feel sad. Sad that N is able to be so happy and live so wonderfully without us. I KNOW N misses us very much. N told me that and N's social worker told me that.
N talked a lot about our family, the memories, missing the house, the bedroom, the bed, the trips we took, the funny things that happened. N talked about the kids and if they remembered N...N seemed wistful when talking about life at the MacKinnon house. I think N would be very happy to come back to us and I think N would be very happy to stay in the new home.

I feel relieved to have finally gotten some answers! I was able to meet with N's social worker who was a wonderful, lovely lady. I could tell right away how much she cared about N and that she was advocating for N's life. The social worker was honest with me, answered all my questions, and although some of those answers were hard to hear, I needed to know. I needed to know after 12 months of wondering, hoping, praying, crying, being torn inside....

The visit was awesome. N was awesome. We are now able to have open communication with each other...we can send letters, make phone calls, send care packages and we have an open invitiation to visit N whenever we like. And although that isn't what I had been hoping for, praying for, it is what I will settle for. I have been given the opportunity to still share in N's life...this is very good.

So, I will go back home to my 5 beautiful children who need me, who I can be "mom" to. Back to my husband and back to my life. We will send letters and fun things to our little one, we will talk on the phone and if by some miracle, little one is meant to be ours, she will come home to us - all in good time.

And that's that.

Today is the big day!

2009-10-16T09:09:00.005-03:00

Well, I'm here. I've traveled to see my little one and our visit is in just a few short hours. Butterflies and nerves! I have no idea what to expect but I am exited! I've waited 12 months for this day so no matter what happens, I will have gotten to see little one, play with little one, hugged little one and talked with little one. It will be a good day!

"Life is full of beauty. Notice it. Notice the bumblebee, the small child, and the smiling faces. Smell the rain, and feel the wind. Live your life to the fullest potential and fight for your dreams."

The truth of the matter...

2009-10-12T21:49:00.003-03:00

Over the years I've heard lots of practiced, experienced parents tell me "it will get easier". You know, when you're exhausted from night feedings, running after toddlers all day, dealing with temper tantrums, lack of adult interactions, etc....etc...etc....

Parents always told me "Don't worry, it gets easier". Well, here I am 5 children later and I'm seriously not finding it any easier. No, I don't have to change diapers all day, no I don't have to get up in the middle of the night (except for the odd nightmare), no I don't have to watch my children with an eagle eye every second of the day so they don't hurt themselves, BUT I am still not feeling like my life is easier.

Now I am talking to my children about drugs because their friends got "busted" at Jr. High. I'm talking to my children about love and caring for another person and how to treat the opposite gender with respect and gentleness. I'm answering questions about first kisses and talking the "sex talk" with my kids. I'm dealing with different learning levels - where one child excels academically and one doesn't. I'm dealing with a child's emotional turmoil and trying to develop trust and safety. I'm trying to teach my children about diversity and accepting & embracing the differences all around us. Dealing with my own anger when people are hurtful and ignorant about our differences. Trying to build self esteem, value and worth in each and every one of my children. I'm trying to give each child my individual time; special moments that only we share. Teaching my kids what happiness and love really means. Teaching there is MORE to life than materialism and "stuff". Teaching compassion and gentleness. All the while I am in the midst of breaking up fights, homework overload, wiping tears, kissing hurts (and wishing I could simply kiss away those emotional hurts), packing lunches, peeling 8 pounds of pototoes (for one meal!), hockey practices, hockey tryouts, dance lessons, speech therapy sessions, hospital visits, getting 2 boys fitted for braces, working, reading stories, taking calls from teachers at school, finding ways to handle some behavioral issues, and once again.....after all these years, I'm still falling into bed exhausted.

It has not gotten easier.

Take a deep breath....

2009-09-28T14:29:00.001-03:00

After 12 months and 16 days, I have been given permission to visit my little one. Little one lives away, in another province and I am finally able to visit. Haven't seen or talked to little one in more than 1 year. I am breathless...my heart is beating out of my chest....

It has been TOO long!

2009-09-07T22:02:00.003-03:00

Things are insanely busy here. I think about posting everyday but then simply can't find the time or energy to put anything "meaningful" on my blog. I have TONS of photos from summer and haven't even put them on the computer yet.

School starts tomorrow...all our children will be in school...seems impossible, yet it's really happening. All the kids are extremely excited and enjoy school so I'm happy for them. And I'm trying to come up with healthy lunches for 5 little ones, 5 days a week...ideas and advice are ALWAYS welcome!

We have a new foster placement...a wonderful, wonderful little one. I can't share much but this child is incredible and once again, we are the ones who are blessed to be able to share in his/her life!!! As I've said before, every child comes with their own unique, sad and emotional story...yet, we are continually surprised by how each one is truly a miracle...a special light in them that we can't help but be thankful and grateful that we get to share it with them!

Now that the kids will be back in school, I may get a chance to update more and add pictures.

There is so much I wanted to post about and just didn't get the chance...

ADOPTION PEI BBQ

2009-08-13T10:33:00.003-03:00

The PEI Adoption Coalition is hosting an Adoption PEI BBQ for everyone in PEI who has been touched by adoption! If you are in the process or have already adopted, please join us! Parents, siblings, children, aunts, uncles, grandparents, etc. are all invited to join us at the BBQ as well. This is an opportunity to meet other adoptive families in a relaxed, fun setting.

Date: THIS SATURDAY, August 15

Time: 1:00 pm

Where: Brackley Commons Park (Brackley Pt. Rd, just past the airport on the right hand side)

Cost: $7 per family (this will cover the rental costs and the food)

Hotdogs, hamburgers and drinks will be provided. Feel free to bring your favorite munchies to share!

Brackley Commons has a great playground, clean washrooms and indoor facilities if you need it.

Leave a comment for this post or email me HERE to let me know if you plan to attend!

Check out the newsest sidebar link!

2009-08-04T15:21:00.005-03:00

Wild Olive has amazing new kid T-shirts ready (well, just about!). You can visit them HERE. I love that the shirts say "chosen" because we are chosen by God. I love that! They have lots of cool tees for adults as well so be sure to check them out.

We've had a few fun days...it's starting to feel more like summer...swimming at the pool, getting ice cream, hanging out on the deck, running through the sprinklers, visiting with my parents....

We are going camping again this week and I'm really looking foward to it. Last time I couldn't move because of my sore back but now that's it's all better, it should be great.

Don't forget to check out Wild Olive Tees and get a cute one!

Finally...some pics!

2009-07-26T19:30:00.014-03:00

Here are a few photos to highlight some of our summer so far...despite the weather and our crazy work schedules, we are trying to get in some "fun" time as well!

CAMPING AT MARCO POLO

BOYS JUST BEING SILLY...They thought they looked like twins. Our oldest boys are 21 months apart in age and our youngest children are 8 months apart.

BEACH DAY...and ALYSSA's EARS ARE PIERECED...too cute!

FUN DAY AT THE PETTING ZOO and CARNIVAL RIDES

Now that's a look of pure fun!!!!

International Justice Day

2009-07-23T15:40:00.001-03:00

Can we make a difference for social justice around the world? I believe we can. Please watch this video and visit Mocha Club at www.mochaclub.org to be part of a change, a part of empowering people to rise above poverty, disease and hopelessness. Can it be done? Yes it can!

What's been happening....

2009-07-22T10:58:00.004-03:00

There has been lots going on since the last time I wrote a "real" update. I'll add photos later but here's a run down of our happenings since the end of June....

*June 17 - Evan's 1 Year Gotcha Day - we went our for a celebration dinner and enjoyed reminiscing about our time in China and all the ups and downs of the last year. What I really enjoy is how much Evan remembers about his life in China and he LOVES to talk about it. He has an amazing memory and we've learned a lot about his daily life in China, things he did with his mama and baba (and his big brother), the kind of toys and food he enjoyed, etc...It has only been in the last couple of months that Evan has started to really feel like he belongs in Canada and with our family. For many, many months he loved China best and loved his mama best. He still talks about China and really wants to go back but we can tell that he is enjoying his new family, his new home and his life here in Canada. We have always been completely open to talking about China, to listening and comforting him when he talked about going back and living with his mama (even though it was heartbreaking to hear) and we are honest with him about why he is with us, that we are so happy we are his parents but also that we understand his connection and love for China and his foster family. He has even started calling me "mama" when before he would immediately correct himself and call me "mommy".

We are feeling much more settled and in a more "normal" relationship with Evan - as opposed to living with a stranger. I love, love, love him and feel like we have a healthy attachment. He has bonded very well with our other kids. It's still a challenge for Chris and Evan - Evan doesn't seem to "need" the attachment with Chris and Chris finds it difficult to attach as well. It's way better now than it was in the beginning. But, that's also the reality of older child adoption sometimes.

Kindergarten Graduation - Alyssa and Evan graduated from Kindergarten. Hard to believe all my kids will be in school next year :-(

Alyssa got her ears pierced - they look adorable! She didn't even flinch...we had used some numbing gel on her ears and she smiled the whole way through.

Dylan and Caleb off to camp - Dylan spent a week at Canoe Cove Christian Camp and had an absolute blast! Caleb is away this week at Camp Seggie. I'm sure he's having just as much fun. Alyssa and Evan and Dylan are at Vacation Bible School this week (in the morning) so that works out well with my work schedule. Not so many hours with a babysitter.

Off camping - our family got to spend 3 days camping - unfortunately I had put my back out and could barely move. The pain was exhausting and made me a tad cranky. Camping isn't much fun when you can't move around. Anyway...the kids did enjoy themselves and it's always a treat to get away for a few days :-)

Life has been busy, busy, busy...Alyssa and Evan are playing soccer this summer and Caleb is playing baseball. Dylan decided not to play organized sports this summer (yes!) but he is attending hockey camps instead. Chris is working 12 hour shifts (nights and days) so that doesn't help with all the driving, scheduling and play time. It's not as much fun to head off to the beach knowing Chris is stuck at work :-)

I am always looking for ways, tips and advice on how to simplify our crazy life and to have time to just chill out with the kids....your advice is welcome!

So...I'll post some photos later tonight.

Hope everyone is having a great summer so far!

Turmoil...

2009-07-17T21:38:00.003-03:00

I'm sure all of you have heard about the bankruptcy of Imagine Adoption. Just google it and you'll find tons of stories of families who have been affected all over Canada (approx. 400). We have 7 families here in PEI directly affected. Families are asking for everyone to write letters to their MPs to urge governments to step in and help families complete their adoption processes.

Please visit our PEI adoption site at www.adoptionmatters.info for the latest news and links to important information regarding this.

*****
For family and friends who check our blog from away....we are all well and I will update on the lastest "MacKinnon" happenings in the next few days.

For now, we are doing whatever we can to offer support for our families here in PEI!

Can we really just sit by????

2009-06-23T12:39:00.015-03:00

"Sometimes I'd like to ask God why He allows poverty, famine and injustice when He could do something about it...but I'm afraid He might ask me the same question." ~ Anonymous

"We are the first generation that can look extreme and stupid poverty in the eye, look across to Africa and elsewhere, and say this and mean it: we have the cash, we have the drugs and we have the science - but do we have the will? Do we have the will to make poverty history? Some say we can't afford to. I say we can't afford not to." - Bono

"Because where your treasure is, there will your heart be also."

~ Matthew 6:21 ~

What to say?

2009-06-16T19:08:00.002-03:00

No news...nothing much to write. I'm still feeling way down in the dumps but it is refreshing to see actual sunshine. Life is just so weird sometimes.

Anyway...one year ago today we were in China waiting to see if we would get to meet Evan. All the other families received their children on this day but we had to wait because our paperwork wasn't ready. Our actual "gotcha day" anniversary is tomorrow. I seriously can't believe a whole year has gone by since that little tornado joined our family! More pics and updates on him tomorrow to celebrate one year!

There has been TONS of exciting adoption news on PEI lately...we've had a family return home recently with their little one from China, there is a family in China right now, we had 2 families receive referrals from China in the last couple of weeks, we have another family waiting to hear about a referral any day (from China) and we've had a couple of families return from Ethiopia with their new children. That's a lot of happy mommies and daddies!!!

More tomorrow....

2009-06-11T09:04:00.002-03:00

There is nothing positive to write...we received the dreaded news this week about the little one we are hoping to adopt. The court date for the child was not successful which means crown wardship (permanent custody) was not granted. At this point, we are not sure why...we don't know if custody was given back to the mother or if another court date was set to fight it out in court. I don't think I ever let myself really think about the court date failing...needless to say, it was a punch in the gut when I was told. I knew I shouldn't get my hopes up but you know what...I'm still naive and believe in the "good". I just assumed in my belief that this situation would turn out "good". It didn't. I don't know what is happening now...I don't know if our chances are over or if it just means another 6-12 months of waiting. If that's what it means, can we do that? And then at the end of that waiting be devestated again? I just don't know...

It's been a difficult week. There are some other issues we are living with, dealing with and trying to sort through with our oldest, oldest son. He is back living with us. That is a HUGE change for us...we are struggling with being supportive for him and trying to hold the rest of the family together.

Well...when it rains it pours. I'm dying for a little sunshine.

Life is so unpredictable

2009-06-02T12:22:00.002-03:00

Evan and I got home last Wednesday. Life has thrown us some curves...very sad and unnerving curves.

I will say Evan is a real trooper and is doing well! His swelling has gone down and his face is looking much, much better! He is definitely still favoring his sore hip and tonight we take the bandages off to reveal the "big scar" :-)

So as far as Evan goes...all is good...each day is getting stronger and feeling more like himself.

As for the other things life is throwing at us...we are dealing with a very sad death and some very emotional things with our oldest, oldest son. I wish I could share more details as I would love to ask for advice but right now we are trying to sort through some of the issues.

Do you ever feel like there is something "more" you should be doing but it seems so huge it doesn't seem possible? I have been feeling like this for quite awhile now. In the last few months different situations have come up that keep pointing me in a certain direction. Yet, the direction seems too impossible...how do you know when to give up everything for the "something" that might mean everything? Confused? YES, SO AM I!!

Enjoy the sun today!

What a kid!

2009-05-26T09:05:00.008-03:00

Well Evan seems to be getting back to his old self...cranky, demanding and wanting a new toy! His pain is much worse but that's because they were trying to give him less meds. Needless to say, we asked for an extra dose and PLEASE lace it with lots of codeine...haha...kidding of course...sort of.

He is CRANKY! I guess I would be too but this is what I feared...being alone with him and not being able to do anything to please him :-( We brought the game cube and after a frantic phone call to Dylan at home to see why it wasn't working we realized dumb me - I forgot one of the cords so he isn't able to play it. I'm trying to find one here in the hospital...surely somewhere on some floor there is an extra gamecube!

When the pediatrician was checking over Evan she noticed a heart murmur so the cardiologist was in today to check it out. Evan does have 2 different heart murmurs I'm told and he will have a few tests later today. I'm sure everything will be fine and then.....hopefully we can leave tomorrow! YAY!!!!!

Sweet little thing...

2009-05-25T08:49:00.003-03:00

**Update: Evan is out of surgery and I'm told it went really well. I can't see much right now...lips and nose are swollen. He is sore but sleeping with all those great meds! :-)

I just left the hospital. Evan is fast asleep and they have begun his surgery. It should take about 4 hours. They are telling me it will be very painful for a few days. They are taking bone from his hip (which is the most painful part) and then they'll make it into a putty like substance and fill in his palate.

I was able to go in with Evan while they put him to sleep. I've been lucky...every time one of my children had to be put to sleep they have let me in the operating room. I always feel so much better holding their hand and being the last face they see as they drift off.

I'm sure everything will go wonderfully. I'm heading back to set up his room and put up some balloons and get out his blankie and pillow.

Have a great day....
Tammy

It's Surgery Time!

2009-05-20T11:34:00.004-03:00

Evan and I are heading back to IWK (Children's Hospital) in Halifax to have his big surgery. This time he is having a bone graft surgery to hopefully correct his palate once and for all. They will be taking bone from his hip and restructuring his palate. He did have surgery in November but when they removed some of his teeth (grown up in the cleft), it caused an even bigger split in the palate. So, this time, they will crack it (sounds horrific) and then restructure it.

We leave tomorrow for some pre surgery appointments and then his actual surgery is on Monday morning with Dr. Precious. Isn't that an awesome name for a child doctor?! Unfortunately, Chris isn't able to come with me this time. He will be staying home with the other kiddos and he working. He also just found out he is working the night shift ALL WEEK so now my dad has kindly offered to come and stay at our house to help with the kids. And that leaves little 'ole me all alone at the IWK. I'm thinking optimistically - I'm taking my laptop and I have a project to organize the last 6 years of digital photos...I've borrowed lots of new books to read and I'll be taking the game cube to occupy Evan.

Staying 24/7 in a small hosptial room for 5-6 days isn't really my idea of a great time BUT we sure are excited to finally have this surgery for Evan. He is extremely thrilled to finally have his "hole closed" as he knows it will help with his speech and with all the gross stuff coming out his nose (and we are definitely happy about that as well).

So, wish us luck and wish me sanity!!!!!!! :-)

On another note....do you think we should cut Evan's hair short....the way it is now is sweet...it's just that it is always sticking up in the back like a rooster. But when it's really short does it look too severe??????

Evan with the buzz cut...last summer in China

Evan with his longer hair...now

Half Way

2009-05-15T10:10:00.003-03:00

Today is May 15th. We are halfway through the month of May. So far we haven't heard any news on the little one that is on our hearts. 15 more days until the end of May. We know May is the month where a decision could possibly be made....

Color Blind?

2009-05-11T11:41:00.006-03:00

I met with a "professional" to discuss Alyssa and Evan and some of my concerns about them entering an "all-white" school. My concerns about how the school will handle the issue of race as well as their adoption. This professional assured me that she loved with her heart and didn't see color. Really? Because it's OKAY for you to see Alyssa and Evan as Chinese! How insulting (and racist??) to think the acceptable answer to racism is to be color blind. I want people to acknowledge, accept and embrace the fact that Alyssa and Evan are Chinese. I want Alyssa and Evan to grow up PROUD of being Chinese and being confident in who they are and where they came from.

Seriously....

Do we want to deny this beautiful girl her heritage by pretending she's white?

Or take away this handsome little fellow's first 5 years of life trying to pretend he is only Canadian and his life in China meant nothing?

***Added later....my husband thinks I'm over analyzing what people mean when they say they are "color blind". He thinks they are just trying to say that they accept and love our kids and it doesn't matter to them what race they are. I still think it's important for people to understand what their words convey to people of race. But, I promise to nicely and calmly educate people who may tell me they are "color blind".***

Thanks!

2009-05-08T10:54:00.003-03:00

Thanks to those who emailed me or left comments for the "Where do you stand" post. I enjoy reading other people's opinions and points of view. Believe it or not, I love a good debate, a good controversy and stirring the pot. It's always interesting to put a topic out there and see what people are thinking. I guess on this particular topic it's a tough call to make in a general sense. As everyone pointed out, there are SO MANY factors involved in making a decision on whether a child is better off with birth family (and a "sucky" life) or with caring individuals. And then, what constitutes a great life? My biggest concern with this whole topic is having children's emotional needs met through positive interactions, communication, touch, care, etc...

I didn't realize some consider religious beliefs to be a form of abuse. Very interesting concept! I've actually read from some people (not on my blog) who don't like when "religious" people adopt children because they think they will brainwash the children.

And then, I have to consider that raising children in Canada and thinking I know what is "good parenting" here is WAY different than parenting in other countries - like China or African countries. We once had a foster child from an african country and her upbringing was QUITE different from how we parent here in Canada (generally speaking). Discipline methods in the child's country were also QUITE different than what's "acceptable" here in Canada. So, all of that has to play a part in whether a child is better off with birth parents or not. Definitely a complex topic and no easy answer. Let's just say, I probably wouldn't be the best candidate for a judge in family court.

Still debating on the whole school issue....send the kids to all white school while living in an all white community, send the kids to a more diverse school but still live in our all white communty (mostly white) or move to a different area (still in PEI) with diversity in the community and the school?????? We're talking about my children's lives here...this is HUGE!

On that note...here's the newest family photo...we only have a couple since Evan came home (10 months ago!)

Loving Others

2009-05-05T12:51:00.008-03:00

A sweet, sweet little girl died recently. Her parents are heart broken, hopeless and devastated. This little girl was only 4 years old and her death was completely unexpected. She also has a little brother. This family is needing their community to love them right now.

Unfortunately, money has become a stress for this family - during a time of unfathomable tragedy a family shouldn't have to worry about financial needs. They are wanting to buy a tombstone for their daughter's grave site but cannot afford it. They are also unable to work right now due to their tremendous grief.

There is a benefit concert being held THIS FRIDAY, May 8th. Please consider coming out and surrounding this family with love and support. As hard as it is to lose a precious child you love, we can be there for them, they can come and see how many people love them and cherish the life of their little girl.

Please join us on Friday at East Wiltshire School 7:30pm. Ninth Hour will be providing music and there will be a Silent Auction. The financial help will definitely ease some burdens for this family but our show of support and love will do even more to touch this family. Please come.

You can also donate by clicking the PayPal button on the right hand side of the blog. I will pay all the paypal charges so every cent donated will go directly to this family.

Thank you.

Parents: Dan and Becky (Mullen) Harding

Where do you stand?

2009-05-01T11:02:00.003-03:00

As you know, Chris and I have been fostering for more than 11 years (we stared really young :-)). There have been times when it's been extremely difficult to watch children leave and go home to their birth families. That's the truth. Not all children are going home to nice families, clean homes, proper care, etc...

Sometimes I find it very hard to let the children go...knowing what is waiting for them....sometimes I can't justify them having a sucky life just to live with mom. My social worker once told me that I have an extremely high standard for parenting and not all families can meet those standards and that I shouldn't expect families to have those standards. So, this is has been on my mind a lot as we continue to foster children and see them go home.

WHAT DO YOU THINK? WHERE DO YOU STAND? Do you think it's better for a child to have a "sucky" life but live with birth parents or do you think it's better for a child to have a great life with caring individuals who are not their birth parents?

By "sucky" I don't mean extreme physical and sexual abuse. Hopefully children will NOT be placed back into homes with those risks. Hopefully....

I mean things like living in an environment where they aren't kept clean, clothes are dirty, torn, not enough food to eat, sent to school without lunches, homework is never completed and parents don't take the time to help with it, not many friends because they are "dirty" or "poor", parents don't take an interest in the child, there are no loving touches, quality communication between parent and child, no effort to build confidence and self-esteem in the child, verbal and emotional abuse, neglect, etc, etc, etc....

I know the general public would be shocked to know how many of the children in our communities are growing up in homes like this.

I have seen many, many children absolutely blossom and thrive in foster homes. After weeks and months in care they lose the vacant look, they become happy & confident, they are not afraid, they don't cower when you discipline them (with voice, not physical!), they begin to show interests in activities, etc...

I am NOT saying the answer is having children grow up in foster homes. I believe each and every child needs a permanent family of their own. But, I would lean more towards thinking IT IS BETTER for a child to have a great life with caring individuls rather than have a sucky life and sucky parents but have to live that way because they are with their birth parents.

What do you think? I really want to hear your point of view! You don't have to use your name, just sign in under "Anonymous" if you want.

And one last time....

2009-04-29T22:37:00.004-03:00

We DO NOT have the Swine Flu!

Seriously, our family is getting harrassed about spreading the Swine Flu to everyone we come in contact with! Even the kids are having trouble with this at school - no joke! I find this very insulting...do people really think I wouldn't be cautious about this considering we were just in Mexico 7 days ago? I do listen to the news and I've heard EVERYTHING there is to know about this flu.

Just to reassure all the harrassers out there - we have talked with our family doctor, we have gone to ch'town's "swine flu clinic", we have called the 1-888 number for PEI Public Health, specifically set up to screen people about this flu, and finally, the Chief Medical Advisor of PEI (that would be Dr. Lamont Sweet) has declared our family is NOT at risk, we do NOT need to be tested, we are NOT spreading germs to anyone and we are SAFE to be around.

So, please...end of story.

How far would you go?

2009-04-26T21:06:00.003-03:00

The little child I spoke of a few posts ago is constantly on my mind. It's strange to be pursuing an adoption, yet we are not really officially "adopting". I can't go around sharing where we are in the process (we aren't anywhere in the process) yet this child is on all our hearts (our children know about this child).

I can say we are actively pursuing this particular child. We are adamant this child deserves us to push, advocate, inquire, ask questions, pray for, love. I was thinking today what lengths we (people in general, not just us) will go to bring a child home. At this point, Chris and I could start our next adoption - officially. It's been 10 months since we adopted Evan so we are now far enough along to update our homestudy, choose a country and get on board the adoption roller coaster. But, we are so adamant in our pursuit of this particular child that we will not start another "official" adoption. How far, how long will we continue to pursue? Honestly, until we are left with absoutely no options to adopt this child. As I mentioned earlier, May is a big month as this is when (hopefully!) decisions might be made in regards to the child's "adoptability".

I wish I could share a bit of what this journey has been like for me, someday I hope I can write it all out. It's hard not to share adoption news or to share when there isn't any. It's hard to not seem too eager, too desperate but yet put enough pressure to get things started. It's so hard to not be able to communicate with this child, to let he/she know how much he/she is already loved & cherished, how much we are all advocating for his/her life.

I keep listening to the song "Gotta Be Somebody" by Nickelback - I know this child feels exactly what this song is saying...I wish I could let him/her know we are their "Somebody". Please, please pray for the court date in May.

'Cause nobody wants to be the last one there
'Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares
Someone to love with my life in their hands
There's gotta be somebody for me like that
'Cause nobody wants to do it on their own
And everyone wants to know their not alone
There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere
There's gotta be someone for me out there

Hot Hot Hot!

2009-04-17T19:14:00.002-03:00

WOW! We are loving Mexico and having a great time with the kids! It is HOT! Evan says he wants to go home because it's too hot! This is the same kid who spent the winter telling us he wanted to go back to China because he was too cold! You seriously can't please that kid! (Those who know Evan personally know exactly what I'm talking about :-))

The kids are having a blast - there are big waterslides (scary, dark tunnel ones!), smaller waterslides, a kids pool, games room, kids club...lots of restaurants...the older boys are LOVING that they can get drinks whenever they want and you will often see them walking around the pool with the Mango Tango drinks.

I have a story I want to share...it may mean absolutely nothing but it also may mean everything...if you've been reading the blog you know Chris and I are struggling with what to do about sending our children to a mainly caucasian school (very few visible minorities)...we are getting different opinions on the subject and that's great because it gives us lots to think about and lots of ideas to consider! BUT, here at our resort there are a few Asian families (maybe 3 or 4 families). All the kids have been making friends each day as they play (gotta love that about kids, right!). Anyway...Evan has been playing/talking with lots of different kids but last night he told me he had made his first "friend" in Mexico. I asked him who it was and he showed me an Asian boy about 9 years old. Although he had played and laughed and talked with many other children (all caucasian) he declared his first "friend" to be the little boy who was Asian. Like I said, could be nothing but it could also be very telling. Do I believe Evan will have lots of caucasian friends - absolutely! It's just that for him, he is more typically drawn to Asian people and he relates to them in a different way than non-asian people/children. He is extremely aware of his chinese heritage, he is proud to be from China (and would like to move back) and he is most connected to China (in comparison to Alyssa). So, maybe for him, he would feel more connected, would fit in better, would feel less different if he was in a school with peers of Asian descent????

Anyway...food for my thought.

Here are a few pics...not too many...I don't want anyone to feel bad about still being in the cold weather!!!!

Oh forget it! It's taking forever to upload a picture...I'll try more later.

Waiting....

2009-04-11T17:01:00.005-03:00

I mentioned a couple of times that Chris and I were thinking of adopting again. Strangely, there has been so much and yet so little happening in this area. Chris and I were told about a child's situation back in October and since that time we have been pursuing the adoption of that child. It is so crazy because when we were told about this particular child, my first words to the SW were, "I'm sorry, I'm going to cry" but Chris' first words were, "what do we have to do to adopt her/him" (sorry, I can't reveal if it's a boy or girl)". This was back in October, only 3 months after adopting Evan. Now, for those of you who know our family and my husband, what a twist of irony for HIM to be the one to suggest adoption!! :-) It's not that I wasn't thinking it, I just didn't dare say it! But because it was something he said first, I knew it was okay to do whatever we could to pursue this adoption.

Unfortunately, I can't give any details at all! Are we any closer to adopting this child? Not really. Is there a chance we will not be able to adopt this child? Absolutely! When we will know anything? Not till May!

What I can say is we have made it very clear that we want to adopt this child and the people involved with this child seem to be working towards that. A lot of stuff is up in the air due to legalalities, courts, laws, etc...

I have been keeping track of all the tiny miracles and opening doors that have brought us to where we are with this child. I have not talked about this adoption very much as it is completely different than our other 2 experiences with adoption. Knowing you want this child so much but having so little control is awful. It's not like you get a referral and then you wait your 1-6 months to travel....this is months of waiting to hear what decisions are being made that will affect this child's life forever.

We have been waiting for news for 7 months...last month I told my friend M about having to wait until May before we heard anything at all and her she told me, "That okay! It gives us more time to pray!" Can you all please remember this child in your prayers? That the people making the decisions for his/her life will make them quickly and not 12 months from now... That he/she can move on to a have a family of his/her own...That he/she is being loved and cared for while he/she waits...

I was sure by now, God,
That you would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say "amen"
and it's still raining
as the thunder rolls
I barely hear you whisper through the rain,
"I'm with you"
And as your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise

And I'll praise you in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
And every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise you in this storm

Lyrics from "Praise you in this Storm" by Casting Crowns

Advice?? Tips??

2009-04-07T21:11:00.008-03:00

So, Alyssa and Evan are starting grade 1 in September. I am starting to really think about the impact of this in regards to their race and their adoptions. For so long they have been in our "bubble" - you know, we decide who they talk to, who plays with them, where they go, what they do, what they hear, etc, etc...I mean, that's just the way it is with toddlers and preschoolers, we are around them all the time and handle any situations that come up.

Now, we have been very open about their adoptions, their race and we've tried to explain and talk about why people might say certain things BUT they will be on their own next year. My little babies out there on the big school yard all by themselves :-)

I have a meeting with the school's principal on Thursday and I'm wondering if any of you have any advice or tips or questions I should bring up when I meet with her. Alyssa and Evan will be the only Asian children in their school and in fact, may be the only non-caucasian children in the entire school. Every adult adoptee I have talked to, heard workshops from, read their blogs, etc.. all of them say parents SHOULD NOT put their children in schools where they are the ONLY child of their minority. What do I do? How do I handle this? I have asked the school board to bring in someone who can talk to the teachers/staff and children about race and appropriate talk about different races but is it enough? Will Alyssa and Evan always feel that they are different? That they don't belong? Don't fit in?

What about appropriate adoption talk? Does anyone have a list or something that would cover do's and don'ts when talking about adoption? For example, don't say "do you know your real mother?", rather say "do you know your birth mother".

If anyone has some helpful tips or advice they could pass on to me to help me prepare for the meeting with the school, I would greatly appreciate it!!!

THANKS!!

It's not pretty....

2009-04-05T21:22:00.005-03:00

I need to write this post...it's been on my heart for a very long time. Mostly, I want to write it because I know this blog will be saved and will be part of "me" when I am no longer here. It will be something my children and maybe even my grandchildren will read as it's my way of "journaling".

This post is sort of "part 2" of the post I wrote called "Crazy? Insane? Idiot?". I know most people will shy away from reading the whole blog post and will turn away from its truth. It's not pretty...it's much easier to live without knowing than to know and have to do something about it.

the question is WHY? So many people have asked me "why"? Why do I care so much about adoption? Why would I keep adopting? Why do I always talk about it? Why am I so burdened by hurt and lonely children? Why would I want to keep adding children to my already "full house"? Why, why, why?

Tonight I was discussing a very serious matter with my husband about a potential adoption (for us! more on this at another time) and he said to me "But even if this adoption works out you will still think about it all the time, you won't stop!" He's absolutely right! And I refuse to apologize anymore for having lonely, hurt and broken children on my heart, all the time! I pray God never allows me to become so comfortable in this selfish world that I would forget the hurting children.

Jesus says in Matthew 25:35,36, 40, "For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, for I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me. I tell you the truth, whatever you did for the least one of these, you did for me"

I see my own children in all the children. I think about each child as if they were my own - how would I feel if it were my child who was cold? hungry? alone? crying? unloved? unwanted? afraid? Truly, a day does not go by that I don't weep for these children, wishing I could do more, wishing I could be more for them. I cannot live my life pretending these children don't exsist. I can't live frivilously knowing children are sick, hungry and alone. I will not! It's hard to do in this society...we are so full of ourselves and what we think we "deserve". We are constantly putting oursleves first and focusing on our greediness. I want to be different than that. I want to put those children first...i have everything (and SO MUCH more) I need...I don't want to live a selfish life caring only about myself...I want to love with the love that Jesus has filled me with.

What God has given me is not only a heart for the orphans but a voice! I was voted "most outspoken" in high school and I think most people who know me would still agree with that! I have a voice and I'm not afraid to use it! I tell anyone and everyone about children, about orphans, how they can help, what they can do, how they can adopt...I can use my voice to advocate for the most vulnerable, I can use my voice to fight for children who have no one.

I was reading a blog the other day (a really incredible young lady who loves like Jesus) and I loved what she had written...Do you love your neighbor as much as you love yourself? Do you love your 147 million orphaned neighbours and the 3.5 million homeless (in America alone) as much as you love yourself? Do you grieve for them the same way you would if it were your own children who were hungry and homeless? What would be different if you did? If this day is all you're promised, what are you doing with it? Right now, today, are you doing what you want to be doing when Christ comes back?"

God wants us to love others...he wants us to love the orphans...he wants us to love the poor...he wants us to be so much more than just living every day for ourselves....

"...I can't tell you how much I long for you to enter this wide-open, spacious life. We don't fence you in. The smallness you feel comes from within you. Your lives aren't small but you are living them in a small way. I am speaking as plainly as I can and with great affection. Open up your lives. Live openly and expansively." 2 Corinthians 6:11-13

Luke 3:11 - "John replied, 'If you have 2 shirts, give one to the poor. If you have food, share it with those who are hungry'."

I've been hearing a lot at church lately that all God wants from us is just a relationship with Him. He doesn't "expect" anything from us, we don't need to "do" anything for Him and yet, I read over and over again in scripture that God does want us to "do" something. Not to earn His love or to earn our place in Heaven but because it's what His pure love is. Loving others. Over and over again, scripture tells us to love the orphans, the poor, the lonely, to love the least of these people is to love Jesus. If we have a relationship with Christ then we will be OVERFLOWING with His love and His compassion and we won't be able to sit and do nothing!!! The love will flow out of us and we will want to share it. And not just sharing it with the Christians we are comfortable with but with "the least of these" - seeking those who need God's love!

James 1:27 tell us, "Religion that God our Father considers pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world."

A few more places where God tells us to have mercy, be kind, love others...

Matthew 5:7
Matthew 25:34-36
Luke 14:12-14
1 Thessalonians 5:14-15
Romans 12:13-16
Colossians 3:12-14
Matthew 19:21
Mark 10:19-21
Luke 18:22

It's not pretty, but it's true. There are children who need us, people who need us...we cannot live as if they don't exist. We cannot forget them. We have to do something. We must love with Jesus' love.

Thoughts on Dominican

2009-03-30T15:13:00.031-03:00

Finally! A chance to update on Dominican and add some photos. What a beautiful week we had - hot and sunny everyday (as you can tell from my sunburned legs - hee hee)

We traveled with 2 other couples - the whole gang, relaxing for supper!

**************

So, before Chris and I decided to book the trip, we agreed that if we went south we would take the opportunity to visit local villages, families, children and schools. We wanted to see first hand how we could help once we came back to Canada. I truly believe we can use EVERY opportunity to reach out to others.

Before we traveled, I had made contacts with a couple of organizations and individuals who work specifically with children in the Punta Cana area. I was able to connect with a man, originially from Toronto, who is living and working in Dominican. He calls himself "Punta Cana Mike". He has been instrumental in building a school for chidlren to attend for free. In Dominican, children have to pay a monthly fee to attend school and they also need to purchase a uniform. MANY cannot afford this so they miss out on school. So, a school was created from an old concrete building specifically to educate the children who could not afford public school. The teachers are all VOLUNTEERS and the school has grown from 35 students to over 150 in the past year!

Chris and I (along with the other 2 couples we traveled with) took suitcases filled with supplies for the school. It was such a treat to be able to give these items to the children for their school. Chris and I met up with "Punta Cana Mike" and spent the morning with him, visiting the school, the local community, the families and the children who attend the school.

After visiting the school, and hearing about their needs, their hopes and their desires to expand the school, Chris and I decided we would use our family charity (Two Homes One Heart) to build the community an outdoor playground. The playground will be built on the school property but I say "community playground" because it will truly be something everyone will enjoy. As we walked the streets of the small community, we quickly saw there was nothing to really entertain the children...no play things of any kind - toys, books, games, etc...The families lived in very small homes (about the size of our outdoor sheds)or they lived in rusted out buses. They don't have any of the luxuries we are used to like cooking stoves, fridges, washer/dryers, grocery stores, etc...They cooked their meals over open flame (when there was meat to cook) and mostly live on vegies and rice. We also found out the average INCOME per family is $50/month! And you know what else we noticed? The price of food and clothing is not much cheaper than what we pay in Canada! Can you imagine trying to feed and clothe your family on $50/ month??!! and then paying for them to go to school? PEOPLE!!!! We are so completely SPOILED ROTTEN!

Chris and I, along with Punta Cana Mike thought an outdoor playground would be a lot of fun for the children. It would give them a comman place to hang out together, interact with their families, have a place for activity during school breaks, etc...

our goal is to raise about $4000 to build them a full playground with slides, swings and some smaller items for the toddler/preschool classes. For an example of what we are talking about, click HERE to see the one we build at our daughter's orphanage in China.

If anyone is traveling to Punta Cana and would like to meet up with "Punta Cana Mike" or another contact we've made, please email me and I''ll give you all the info. I also have contacts for Puerta Plata area!

Scoping out the school, checking out the area...

The site of the new playground

One of the classrooms. There are 4 and none have electricity. They split the day into 2 so that all the kids can attend. Half go in the morning and the other half go in the afternoon.

This is what's on both sides of the school. They would like to purchase this lot here and expand the school. The price for this lot is $20,000!

In the background you'll see part of the community...the homes....

Here is the sweetest little boy who stole my heart (but then, they all do!)

This was a little store...this "store" supports a whole family. Another little friend we made on our visit. His brother is the one taking the picture. He LOVED our digital camera.

Several families lived in these buses.

***************

Chris and I went on a 4 wheeler excursion and were able to visit many children and their families. We took about 50 toothbrushes/tooth paste sets and about 150 granola bars with us. We tied the bag of "goodies" to our handlebars and off we went. We passed out every single one and I wished I had brought more! Everyone (parents, adults, teenagers, our guides!) was asking for the toothbrushes and tooth paste. I didn't realize they would be such a hit. Next time, we will take tons more!!!

Hanging with some very sweet kids - all of them got extra granola bars for their cuteness and they also got new toothbrushes and toothpaste! You'll see a little girl in the background by the fence...don't worry, she was not forgotten. She received treats as well!

Chris was captivated by this sweet little girl. She was shy but she had the most amazing blue eyes! She loved her treats from Chris!

Guess Where We're Heading???

2009-03-28T15:57:00.005-03:00

Chris and I are extremely spoiled this year! We just got back from Dominican on March 2nd and we are going again!!! The whole time we were down there we kept saying "The kids would LOVE it here!" SO we have planned a week's vacation with ALL the kids in Cancun, Mexico!!!!!

We will be staying at the Gran Caribe and we are so excited!!! It is a very family friendly resort and has a kids water park that our young ones will really enjoy!

Our life has been crazy, crazy, crazy busy since we adopted Evan. With everything that's been going on (surgeries, me starting a new job, working on adoption promotion in PEI, kids starting new schools, sports, etc....) there hasn't been time for us to simply "play" as a family, enjoy each other and just "be" together. Everything has been a whirlwind without much time for rest or down time.

So, Chris and I decided we should take this chance to go down south and enjoy a full week of relaxation. We're hoping it's going to be a fabulous time with the kids and a chance for us to just hang out together.

WOW!!! I can't believe we are going back down south!!!!

WINNING!

2009-03-23T09:34:00.015-03:00

Well...we made it back from vacation - it was such a drag to come back to ice, snow and cold! The weather in Dominican was beautiful! There's lots I want to write about our trip - mostly our visits to the village and the local school - but I'm going to use this post to finally update my family on Caleb and Dylan's sport's PROVINCIALS. (lots of bragging in this post so beware! I'm a proud mother!)

Dylan's team had AA Hockey Provincials this weekend and it was awesome!! Their team came #1 and what an exciting final game. The score was 2 -2 with only 1 minute to go. We were cheering like crazy and with ONLY 1.1 SECOND left in the game, Dylan's team scored! The crowd went absolutely crazy!!!!

Dylan scored 4 goals this weekend and was name "Player of the Game" during one of the games.

I told you I was a proud mother!

The #1 Atom AA team on PEI! WooHoo!

Dylan in action (he has the pink and green laces - it's so much easier to keep track of him on the ice!)

Go, Dylan, Go!

--
I coached Caleb's basketball team this year - it was a community team for grade 5 & 6 boys. Because I was coaching, Dylan came along to the practices and played some of our games with us. He's never played b'ball before but he picked it up really well! He even got to play in the Provincial championship game as 2 of my players were injured during the game!
--
Caleb loves basketball and had a fantastic year!!! He did so well during the Provincials and I believe he was top scorer in both games. In the end, our team WON provincials! It was absolutely EXCITING!!!! Our team only won by 1 basket so it was a nail biter and more thrilling than the NBA! ha ha (well, to us it was!)

We're #1!!

(Caleb's in the front right and Dylan is just behind him in the red / blue)

Last minute "pep talk" with the boys...only a couple of minutes to go and only up by 2 points - tension was high!

Caleb demonstrating some of his dribbling moves...

More action shots...

Here's little Dylan playing in the final game...I don't know why I say "little Dylan" except that he was so darn cute playing (since he hadn't played before) and he was so quick and so fun to watch.

Caleb on defense (#37)

So, since returning from our vaction, things have been crazy. I've wanted to update the blog so many times but just didn't have the time. Lots of things going on "behind the scenes" right now with adoption but I can't share much at this point. I am SO HOPING I can share in the next few weeks so prayer is always appreciated!!!

---

More to come on our visit to the schools and children in Dominican - lots of photos....

soon!

2009-02-26T19:17:00.001-04:00

We are away on vacation right now but will be updating soon! Thanks Nikki for putting up the new header...it looks great!

Have a great week everyone!

The MacKinnon's

Check out the links!

2009-02-11T23:10:00.005-04:00

Hi everyone!
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I have been wanting to write "part 2" of my recent blog post but haven't had the chance to sit and really think about what I wanted to write. I am really trying to hear God's voice these days and wanting to know how I can share his love more deeply with others.
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I am so touched by the truly beautiful words written by all the commenters about my last post. Some brought tears to my eyes and every single one spoke to my heart.
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I have added several links to the right side of the blog. I hope you can take the time to click on each one and see the amazing things God is doing every single day with ordinary people like you and me. They are "ordinary" but they are sharing God's love so extravagantly! This is my prayer...to love others extravagantly the way Jesus loves me...every single day.
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More to come....
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Can I just leave you with a beautiful photo of my son, Evan who just turned 6 yesterday !!!(b'day pictures will come soon)...he is such a little wonder in our house. How have I been blessed with such a child? Why do I deserve to care for him and share the joy he brings every single day???? God is definitely too good!

If you have not considered adoption, or more specifically the waiting child program or older child adoption, you need to call me! We so need to talk! :-)

Crazy? Insane? Idiot?

2009-02-02T10:35:00.013-04:00

Clarification: Thank you to the commenters...I love them...keep them coming. Thank you Heidi for your comment as well...yes, I absolutely agree that some birth mothers give their children up out of love...I am speaking only of the situation with my birth mother...trust me, I will never indicate to my own adopted children that they were abandoned out of selfish greed :-) (I don't believe they were abandoned for those reasons at all). I am also writing this post from the perspective of why I continue to adopt, want to foster, want to bring more children into my home when I already "have enough". I will write more about this in a post that's coming soon.

This post has been a long time coming...I have endured "criticism" in the form of jokes, I've had people outright ask me if we are crazy? Insane? I've been called an "idiot" and people just generally make their own judgements about my motives, our family and why we adopt (and foster).

To put in bluntly...I'm really tired of it. The comments I have listened to come from personal friends as well as acquaintances & strangers in our community. Beware...I will try to make this post as honest as possible without being too crabby...no guarantees though :-)

The main reason I want to write this post is to have my own feelings and words written down for Alyssa, Evan, Caleb, Dylan and any other future children who may find their way to our family. It is important for them to know that NO MATTER what others may think about our family, each one of them is worth the effort, love, time and sacrifice involved in having them be part of our family. Without question!

When I was 2 years old I was abandoned by my mother. I grew up with my father and later, his new wife who I now consider to be my "mother". I grew up loved, cherished, encouraged, and wanted. I would say I had a happy childhood with lots of opportunity to try new activities, play sports, be with friends, go on vacations with my family, enjoy relationships with lots of cousins, aunts, uncles, etc...A very "normal" childhood.

I was allowed to see my birth mother every summer. When I was 3 years old, a judge took away all parental rights from my mother and said there would be no visitations allowed. My selfless, loving father had the foresight to know how important a relationship with our birth mother would be and made arrangements that allowed us to visit our mother each year.

Although I had my father who loved me and a whole family of people who cared for me, I always felt the abandonment and rejection of my mother. I always questioned "why" she would choose to leave (yes, she deliberately chose to leave all of us) and not make any effort to see us, write us, call us or have any sort of relationship with us. My mother. The one person who should always protect, love, take care of, and fight for her child. What makes a mother decide her child is not worth her time, effort, love and sacrifice? Usually a mother's own selfishness. She wanted more freedom, she didn't want the burden of 3 children, she wanted to pursue another man, she wanted her addictions, whatever the case...her own wants and desires were more important than caring for her children.

The full reality of what my mother had done didn't sink in until I became a mother myself. When Chris and I held our son, Caleb for the first time and over the weeks and months as we grew to love him, I couldn't fathom a mother leaving her child. It was hard to leave him with a babysitter let alone walk away from him and never look back.

I had always had a very special spot and compassion in my heart for children. As a young teenager, my heart felt burdened for hurting children. I could never have known then that God was already beginning to plant a seed for what he had planned for my own family. My heart became more and more burdened with the pain and hurts of children around the world.

I felt so passionate about this...I believed so strongly that no child should have to feel unloved, unwanted, unworthy of someone's love. When our son was only 5 months old, Chris and I began foster parenting. It is now 11 years later and we are still full time foster parents. Over the years, I began to feel more convicted that God wanted us to do something more...something more permanent that foster care. Eventually God led us to adoption. When I held Alyssa in my arms for the first time on Jan 24, 2005 something incredible happened to me. I knew it was only the beginning of loving and caring for orphans and for hurting children.

That's how we ended up where we are today...with 5+ children, 2 adopted, 2 bio and several foster children.

Am I crazy? Insane? An idiot? That is absolutely insulting. Can anyone look at any one of my children and say I'm crazy to love them? I'm insane to give them the knowledge that they are cherished above all else? I'm an idiot to cradle them in my arms whispering "I love you so much" over and over? If this is what it means to be crazy, insane and an idiot - then shame on all of us for not being so!

Yes, there are times where I cry from frustration, exhaustion and being overwhelmed. Raising 5 children is tough. Getting enough time to read stories to everyone at bedtime, doing homework, cooking healthy meals that everyone will enjoy, washing & drying several loads of laundry each day, watching (and coaching) all their hockey and basketball games, being filled with pride at dance recitals, taking hours a week to practice speech therapy and then finding time to teach them life lessons, discipline, praying, being a referree admist the fighting, wiping tears and putting on bandaids, healing broken spirits and comforting grieving hearts. There is not enough time so it IS overwhelming. I do break down, I do get frustrated, I do feel out of control. And then I rant and rave and carry on to Chris.

And then you know what...I go into each of their bedroom's and I look into their sweet, sweet faces and I know that every sacrifice I have made is MORE than worth it. Those are my babies. Those are my children. Those are my most precious gifts in this worldly life. They are human beings worth every ounce of my love, my adoration, my care. They are valued and important and special and worthy of any sacrifice it may take on my part to give them all that they deserve.

I am not crazy. I am not insane. I am not an idiot. I just believe children deserve this. From being a hurt, abandoned child myself, I know they need it. And I would do it again in a second.

I've been tagged!

2009-01-15T11:00:00.005-04:00

I was tagged by Adam and Carolyn and I need to tell 7 things about myself....hmmm....what is there you wouldn't know about me....

1. I love to laugh. I love to laugh so hard that my stomach hurts and tears are in my eyes. I love it when something is so funny that everytime I think of it, I start laughing all over again. My husband and I have had some really fun laughs like this and I love it.

2. I have never smoked a full cigarrette or gotten drunk. I hate the taste of alcohol and I can taste it no matter how small the amount. The other night I ordered a dessert at a restaurant and thought it tasted like cough medicine. I said "there must be alcohol in this!" and sure enough there was rum in the sauce. It is now a BIG joke in the family to try and get me "drunk" on Christmas Eve....every year they say, "this is the year Tammy!" and we all laugh.

3. I used to be so skinny that my high school basketball coach strongly encouraged me to eat donuts and drink milkshakes to gain some weight!

4. I LOVE detective work and really wish I had pursued a career as an FBI agent. I think I would be really good at it! I even looked into a private investigator course a few years ago but just felt I didn't have the time or lifestyle (with 4 kids) to do nighttime undercover work. I applied to be an auxiliary police officer but they closed the program before I got in. Bummer!

5. If my house is untidy or needs cleaning, I am CRANKY. As soon as it's clean, I'm a new person - happy and sweet. I've tried, unsuccessfully, for years not to worry about the tidiness of the house. :-(

6. I was 18 when I met my future husband. We started dating a few weeks after my 18th birthday (he was 19) and I never doubted I was too young to know he was the one I wanted to marry. And, here we are 13 years of marriage later and I still like waking up to him!

7. I do not like having a lot of children...it is a ton of work, exhausting and hard for me to keep a calm, peaceful house. BUT, I love each child I have and was THRILLED and EXCITED to have each child join our family. And, if the possiblity of a 5th child comes up, I'll do it in a second!

Back to China????

2009-01-09T11:21:00.004-04:00

Hi everyone. I am posting some information for a blogger "friend" who is hoping to head back to China. Her name is Kennedy and she was adopted several years ago. There is a trip being organized to visit her orphanage in China and she is really hoping she can go back to China for this trip! She is trying to raise some funds for her trip and I said I would include her link on my blog. You can read all about her amazing trip back to China and her fundraising initiatives. Click HERE to read more....

Speaking of heading back to China...Evan is still missing China and his foster mama so badly. He talks about China every day and most days he is asking us when he can go back. He says he "loves China so much" and "misses his China". This is so hard for him...his english is fantastic now so he is able to share a lot about his life in China and he openly admits how much he misses his mama and big brother in China. We have told him we will try to go back to China when he is 10 but that is still 4 years away. And, really, how will we afford a trip to China for 6 people!!! Maybe just one of us will take Alyssa and Evan back - I don't know. Maybe the boys will be working and can save a bit of their own money for their trip.

It is really heartbreaking to hear Evan talk about his mama and how he misses China. He was so loved there.

The Story of Mii

2009-01-03T12:14:00.004-04:00

Our children received a Wii for Christmas this year. Evan was thrilled! He's been asking for one since he came to Canada so getting one was HUGE for him (and the other kids love it, too!)

He made a Mii the other day and he said "Mommy, I made one of you!" So, I came in and looked and the Mii was Chinese. I told him it was great and that I really liked it. Later that night I said to Evan "I love the Mii you made of me...I see that you made me Chinese." Evan says to me..."I wanted to! I wanted you to be beautiful!"

Hmmm...you just never know what they are thinking or how they are processing....

Beautiful....

2008-12-28T11:14:00.005-04:00

Chris arranged for family photos for my Christmas present this year...we had a friend come over who is an amazing photographer and he took some photos of the family, the 4 kids and some individual ones of Alyssa (her school picture didn't turn out). He took a couple of Evan as well. We haven't gotten most of them back yet but here are a few we did get back...like really, how do I choose which ones to use? They are all so beautiful!!!

Merry Christmas!

2008-12-23T11:15:00.009-04:00

Wishing each and every family a very happy day on Thursday! As you can imagine, our household is a buzz of excitement and activity and we are enjoying all of it!!! As you can see below...it is very clear what our "gifts" are this year!

We hope God's peace, joy and love fills your home this year!

The MacKinnons....

Gift #1

Gift #2

Gift #3

Gift #4

2008-12-17T22:15:00.008-04:00

I finally got time to upload some pictures...I was planning to wrap presents but then I found myself down on the computer checking out Megan and Shawn's blog - they put up photos of their new daughter from Ukraine - she is so beautiful!!! It's a private blog but if you're interested, email Megan and tell her you follow our blog.

We have been busy getting everything ready for Christmas...we are all really excited this year...

Nathan was over for a pre-christmas dinner and gift opening because he is going to Toronto to visit his dad over Christmas. This will be our first Christmas without Nathan in years!!! We had a great time decorating the tree and he opened his gifts. (pictures way below).

Only 1 week left...where does the time go????

Alyssa and her "friend", Nicholas. She has a HUGE crush on him and lights up whenever she sees him!

Evan at his Kindergarten Christmas concert

Alyssa at her concert...she looked so beautiful but I could NOT get her to smile for the pictures (except for the one she's in with Nicholas - no joke!)

Mommy and Evan

Nathan having fun with Evan

Nathan and Alyssa

YAY for our friends!

2008-12-15T21:14:00.002-04:00

I am so excited for our friends, Megan and Shawn. They are in Ukraine and have just accepted a referral for a sweet, beautiful 3 year old girl!!! Megan and I have shared a lot of highs and lows through our adoption processes and I am just so thrilled this has all worked out so well for their family!

I have been trying to post pictures and updates for the last week and just can't find the time....I coached 6 basketball games over the weekend, I just finished cleaning the house, I've been checking my emails every 10 minutes to get updates from Megan and Shawn and for some reason I just can't get time to upload the pictures from my camera to the computer. And there are some really cute pictures on the camera!!!!!

I have to go up and put the kids to bed but maybe later if I get my second wind I'll post. If not, another day!

Merry Christmas everyone!

Stirrings...

2008-12-03T21:52:00.003-04:00

There has been SO MUCH happening in the last few months and I simply have not had time to write about it...I do like posting about it because it's a great way to share thoughts and feelings (and my commenters are such a great support!) and it's a nice way to look back and see how things have changed or not changed, etc...

I don't know if I ever updated on the situation with our "little one". This is the little foster girl we had for several months and then custody was given back to her mom. Well, I can't share too much about her particular situation but she is back in foster care, only this time she is in another province so Chris and I have not been able to get her back (yet!). We have been talking to people who may be able to help us as we really feel strongly in our hearts that she belongs with our family if she is not able to be with her mom. I know the little one felt at home here and didn't want to leave. Right now, there are just lots of prayers and phone calls being made about this situation. Honestly, we are so limited in what we are "allowed" to do in her case but yet, I still feel we need to do whatever we can for her.

I didn't update on the situation of my loved one in Toronto either...it is a very personal story and I haven't felt like I had the right words to share it yet...it's coming though.

And now...here we are approaching Christmas. This is the first Christmas in 4 years where I have actually been peaceful and excited about the season. 4 years ago, we had just received our referral for Alyssa and I didn't care TWO HOOTS about Christmas....all I wanted was to get to my sweet girl! The next two years were okay but my heart was very heavy because I wanted to adopt again so badly but Chris did not. Last Christmas we were back into the whole emotional rollercoaster of adoption and Christmas was the last thing on my mind. So, back to this year...even though there are some unanswered questions, I still feel very good about being here with Evan, Alyssa, Caleb and Dylan and sharing the excitement of Christmas with them. We may even have Nathan with us again this year (our 19 year old foster son) although he is going to visit his dad for a bit and not sure when he's coming back.

I've also realized that I will probably NEVER be fully content with not adopting again. The other day Chris and I were talking and he said "I think I'd like another little girl from China" and all I said was "I'm ON IT!!". Like in an instant, I was ready to start again!! Am I insane? I just can't help it...adoption has changed my heart so radically I don't think I will ever be able to live the same again. I am mostly trying to leave it in God's hands...I say "trying" because I'm a control freak and it's really hard to not try to control my own life :-) It took 6 years for God and I :-) to change Chris' heart about adopting the first time. The 2nd time it took 3 years...so, I'm thinking if the pattern stays the same we should be adopting again in 1.5 years???? Right?! But, like I said, I'm leaving it up to God! :-)

My husband would have a heart attack if he read this so hopefully he won't catch up with the blog for awhile and he'll miss this post!

Well...the kids have their Christmas concert tomorrow so hopefully I can post precious pictures of the terrific kids I DO have!!

Merry Christmas!

Phew...let's take a breather!

2008-11-30T21:46:00.002-04:00

Life has been an absolute whirlwind these last 2 weeks! I started my new job and have been training every day. I'm not used to working full time outside the home and it's been a huge adjustment with all the crazies, I mean kids, to take care of at home! This week will be my last official week of training and then I go back to only 3 days a week. That will be a much more manageable schedule for all of us!

Alyssa and Evan also started at a new babysitter's so that was an adjustment, although I have to say they are really enjoying it! It definitely helps that they have each other and they seem to be two peas in a pod! I can't believe the difference in how they interact together...honestly, in the summer Alyssa was just so distressed about Evan and all the attention she perceived he was getting and she wasn't (of course this was her perception, not reality). Now, they spend hours together every day playing, coloring, doing crafts, etc... What I find really cute is Evan will play barbies with Alyssa and then next time I check Alyssa will be playing soccer with Evan or trying out the gamecube (which she NEVER did before Evan came home).

The other day we were driving in the van and I overheard Alyssa say "Evan, isn't it good that there are 2 of us from China in our family!"...oh, I love that they share a connection!

Dylan had a hockey tournament this weekend (I totally forgot the camera!!) and it was crazy busy! He had 5 games and they took 2nd place overall. I LOVE to watch Dylan play hockey but I'm so competitive that it actually stresses me out a bit :-) I'm also coaching Caleb's basketball team so this has added to our crazy schedule. His b'ball team is for boys ages 10-11 and there are 18 of them! They are an amazing group of boys! Dylan just joined the team as well but he has never played b'ball before so he's having fun learning the game.

There's been so much I've wanted to post about but just haven't had the time to sit down at the computer and think clearly. Even now it's 10:00 pm and I'm frantically typing so I can get to bed (early work morning). Maybe in the next few days, I'll get a chance to write some of what's going on inside this complex brain of mine...ha ha ha...

Can anyone out there really believe Christmas is only 25 days away? Like, really, how did that happen!!??

Home Sweet Home

2008-11-20T21:21:00.006-04:00

well, we all got home on Monday and Evan is doing fabulous! He started coming around on Monday and by Tuesday he was back to himself. So far, so good! We've even noticed a difference already in his speech...clear sounds instead of nasally.

I started the new job...I think I'm really going to enjoy it. Finished the "bookwork" training part and now I get to job shadow for 2 weeks...so anyone who has been thinking of giving blood or plasma, give us a call and you can come in and visit us!!! (1-888-2-DONATE)

We're working on an amazing website and our plan is to "launch" it by the end of November in honor of National Adoption Month. It will focus on all adoption related issues, book resources, support groups and events happening in PEI (related to adoption or cultural activities for our children), and lots more. The focus of the website will be on adoption in general, not just international. We will include whatever we can on domestic, private and international. Stay tuned...I'll post the link when it's ready to be seen by the world! :-)

THANK YOU for all your kind, wonderful emails, phone calls and comments during Evan's surgery. He is such an incredible little guy! For any and all of you who read my blog...I truly encourage you to consider the waiting child program! Not only in China but in any country...there are so many amazing, healthy children available through these programs and each and every one deserves the love of a family.

Okay...enough of the lecture...enjoy your night!!!

Oh Bummer!

2008-11-16T20:57:00.003-04:00

Darn it all...we are back in the hospital with Evan. We were discharged yesterday afternoon but we decided to stay in halifax to see how Evan would do before we made the 4 hour drive back to PEI. Evan was so sick all night...he wouldn't/couldn't drink anything and he kept throwing up. He was still doing that this morning so we brought him back to IWK and they said we should stay here again for the night and get some fluids (via IV) into him.

It is now 9:00 pm and he is so much better!!! He is much less cranky (praise the Lord!!!) and has been eating lots of squishy foods (soup, pudding, ice cream....). I'm sure we'll be able to leave tomorrow morning and head back to PEI.

Evan's lips are back to normal and now we can see inside his mouth to see the hole (or that there isn't a hole anymore). It all looks really good.

On another note...I start a new job this week - my training starts on Wednesday so hopefully all will be well with Evan by then. I will be working with Canadian Blood Services and I'm really excited to be working for them and to have steady (but part-time!) employment. I'll be working 3 days a week which should be perfect as it still leaves me days off with Evan and Alyssa and time to get all the other household stuff/errands done!

Also.... A BIG HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY DAD - he turns 60 today!!! I wish we could have all gone down to Digby, NS to celebrate with him but we aren't able. Dad and mom did come to visit Evan and us yesterday in the hospital so it was very nice to see them!!

Hopefully next time I update, we'll all be home in PEI!!

Thanks again for your well wishes and prayers!

He's done!

2008-11-15T10:06:00.006-04:00

Evan all set to head to the OR

Mommy and Evan getting ready for the OR...I went in when they put Evan to sleep

Evan back up in his room after surgery...

*******

Evan is through surgery and is doing well. He looked worse than we expected when we saw him in Recovery but he looks much better now. His lips are really swollen and lots of blood in his teeth, etc... Evan was so cute when he woke up because he was so proud that his hole was finally closed that he began tapping me and trying to open his mouth to show me his hole was gone.

He also had 4 teeth removed (2 that were "useless teeth" stuck up in his clefts in his gum and 2 rotten ones in the back. He also had several capped with silver and now he looks like a pirate :-)

His brother, Caleb told him he would get $10 from the toothfairy for losing all those teeth so he keeps asking for his ten dollars.

The surgeon said Evan's palate closure went really well...we have tried to see it but it's pretty swollen right now so we can't see too much. The surgeon also extended his soft palate in the back as well...all of this will really help with his speech, too.

Evan had a difficult time last night as he was continually throwing up yet he still insisted on playing his gamecube. He is hooked up to IV so he can't really play and when I looked over at him, he was just kind of laying there looking at the screen but not playing. Too tired and groggy...I guess just knowing it was there was comforting to him :-)

Thank you for all your nice comments and prayers!!!!

If Evan starts to drink on his own we may be able to break free of the hospital!

More later....

We're at the hospital

2008-11-14T11:28:00.003-04:00

Hi,
Just a quick note that we are at the hospital. Evan has been in surgery for a little over 3 hours and it should be only another hour or so. He is also having dental surgery as well as cleft palate surgery.

We are in his room getting everything set up and ready...of course I couldn't go without the computer so Chris has set it up for me!!! We did up Evan's hospital bed with his favorite spiderman blanket, his pillow and some stuffed animals. We bought him a HUGE Diego helium balloon and he is going to love it. A very sweet little girl in the next room is going home today and she gave us a HUGE Dora balloon as well so we have those hanging over his bed for when he comes up from recovery.

Will update more later tonight...

Tammy

3 more sleeps!

2008-11-11T23:02:00.008-04:00

I forgot to mention....November is National Adoption Month and our PEI Adoption Coalition initiated media exposure to bring awareness and share in celebrating our Island families who have adopted or been adopted (domestically and internationally). The first set of stories will be featured in The Guardian on Saturday. Don't forget to pick up a copy!

First off... if Bethany Dobbertin is reading this, please send me your email! I'd love to chat with you about our children and find out if they are from the same orphanage!! My email is tammymackinnon@pei.sympatico.ca.

We are down to 3 sleeps until Evan's surgery...he is having his fistula closed (hole in his palate) and dental surgery. I'm not sure how many teeth they are removing - I think about 4 or 5. We are taking Alyssa with us and Caleb and Dylan will be staying with a few different families but they are very excited about all the sleepovers with their friends/cousins!!

Evan is very excited about having his "hole closed" (as he says). He's happy to know I will be sleeping in the room with him and Alyssa will be there to play games with us. We are taking his beloved Gamecube so he and daddy can play MarioCart!

I had a great time meeting some amazing, wonderful families at the Adoption Training Conference this weekend. There were so many moving adoption stories...I love hearing them!

I can't believe we are down to 44 days until Christmas and 90 days until Evan's "happy birthday". (he always calls it that) For some reason, Evan LOVES to countdown for events. We counted down Alyssa and Dylan's birthdays, Halloween, his surgery, still counting for Christmas, Caleb's birthday and of course, his birthday. Any time I mention something we are going to be doing, he says "how many is that?"

Still...can you believe Christmas is only 44 days away!!!!!! My friend Carolyn talked about this on her blog and I thought I would check back and see what was happening...she went back one year on her blog to see what was going on in her life...I went back one year ago and it's hiliraous to see how much things have changed and what God has done in our lives...this is what I wrote ONE YEAR AGO...

Our file is being translated RIGHT NOW!

Kids Link emailed me to let me know our file was sent to Ottawa 2 days ago to be translated, legalized and authenticated! We are so thrilled!!! Let's pray for a very quick turn around in Ottawa and then it can finally head to Ethiopia!!!

Waiting very anxiously for our sweet girl!

Isn't that weird??? Yup! One year ago we were submitting our dossier for a little girl from Ethiopia!! Now, one year later, we are home with our sweet BOY from China and he is so amazing! I would never have guessed one year ago that this is where God would lead us or what he had prepared for us!!!!

Please say a prayer for sweet Evan as he goes in for his surgery.

~Tammy

On my own...

2008-11-09T09:24:00.002-04:00

Hey!
I'm in Memrmamcook this weekend (just outside Moncton, NB) for an Adoption Training Conference. I was asked to be a Parent Liaison for PEI by the Adoption Council of Canada. They are doing a pilot project on implementing post adoption support groups in each of the Canadian provinces so the training is designed to help the Parent Liaisons set up groups, network, have workshops on different adoption issues, etc...

I've met a great group of ladies (and 1 man) from NS, NB, PEI and Nfld. It's been nice to be put up in a hotel for the weekend and to hear other amazing adoption stories from these families!!!

Chris is home on the range with all the hooligans and all is well!!! Even Nathan is over for the weekend (our 19 year old who lived with us for MANY years!) so the kids are very excited about that.

Enjoy the weekend!

So much happening!

2008-11-04T21:03:00.014-04:00

WOW, the time is simply flying by! I feel like I can't keep up with everyone's news, the blog, the events for our family....whew!

First off...congratulations to a couple of PEI families - our great friends, Megan and Shawn found out they will be traveling to Ukraine over Christmas! They have an appointment on Dec 15th to view child files and we are so excited they will finally see their daughter's face and get to meet her!!! Congratulations to Deanna and Calvin who recieved their referral for a precious little girl from Ethiopia - she is only 7 months old! How exciting!!

******
The kids had a BLAST over Halloween as you can imagine. Evan thought it was great but he just didn't have the stamina to keep up with the rest of the gang. Even the lure of candy wasn't enough to motivate him to "move it along!". He did get lots of candy and enjoyed the night. Alyssa has always been a trooper on Halloween nights and this time was no exception! She kept up with all the big kids and got loads of treats. We were out about 1.5 hours, walking through our subdivison. Our older boys went to every single house in the subdivision and they totally got the motherload! (I call it that because I'm eating most of it! Hee hee!)

We also had our FIRST snowfall for this year...it wasn't much BUT it was blowing around and some of it stayed on the ground. Evan was absolutely beside himself - he immediately got dressed and headed outside with Dylan and Alyssa. He loved it!!

We also went skating for the first time this year, and of course, the first time ever for Evan. He kept saying over and over and over "I just can't believe it! I just can't believe it" "I love it, mommy, I love it!" He is so cute!

***

Look at our gorgeous little man! He is so sweet growing so fast! He is filling out and has gotten a few inches taller. And look at his hair...it's getting longer! (It was buzzed when we got him in China)

First time on skates...after about 15 mintues he was able to go on his own.

Sweet girl Alyssa...she loves to skate, too!

Daddy and Evan

THE FIRST SNOWFALL!!!!!!!

Lovin all that "snow"

Evan "spiderman" mackinnon

Caleb "monster man" MacKinnon

Chris "pirateman" macKinnon

Dylan "the nerd" MacKinnon

Our best family photo to date! I look so ugly - can you believe people had the nerve to say to me "Oh tammy, you decided NOT to dress up this year?" Ha ha ha...very funny people!!!

2008-10-30T18:48:00.012-03:00

I'm finally getting a chance to post some photos from the birthdays!

This is sweet Dylan when he was about 8 months old. What an adorable little boy he was!!

Here's our handsome 10 year old Dylan now! The time passes so FAST!

His crazy crew for the party!

Here's our sweet Alyssa before adopted her. This is one of her referral pics and she's about 8 months old. This was the first glimpse we had of our first and only (so far!) daughter!

Now look at this grown up, beautiful girl! What a cutie-pie!
Mommy and Alyssa on her birthday

Alyssa's crazy crew at her party

*************************************************************************

HALLOWEEN PREPARATIONS

So, I hate to complain but my husband has been working non stop, crazy shifts for the last month! I feel like I've been doing everything on my own...he's been working night shifts and the evening shift of 2-10 pm. Now, all parents know how sucky that shift is - it means I have the kids after school, homework time, supper time, extracurricular activity time (for 4 kids), bathtime, and bedtime. By the time he comes home at 10:15 pm, I'm in bed watching a movie or reading...I'm pooped! Anyway...that's life for now so I need to deal with it!

So, tomorrow is Halloween and I had been waiting for a time to carve the pumpkins and get everything ready for Halloween when both Chris and I would be home with the kids. Well, that wasn't possible so tonight the kids and I set up in the kitchen and we carved 3 very beautiful pumpkins if I must say so myself!!!!

Evan is THRILLED that tomorrow is Halloween...he has never experienced Halloween in China and the concept is beyond his comprehension...I mean, he's 5 years old and we are telling him EVERY SINGLE HOUSE in our subdivision will be passing out candy tomorrow night - and he gets to keep it all and eat it all. Really, does it get better than that to a 5 year old????

********

Caleb - dressing up as a monster...he's hoping to lay on our deck and scare kids as they come trick or treating...he tried that last year but soon gave in to the need to get candy instead.

Dylan - a nerd

Alyssa - ballerina

Evan - spiderman (FYI - Evan dresses up as Spiderman everyday! He even goes into town as spiderman)

Daddy - a handsome but dangerous pirate

Mommy - a witch (it's easy!!).

****************************************************************************

TIMEOUTS

I rarely have to put Evan in timeouts, he's very good to listen and hates going to his room when he might miss all the action in the rest of the house! But, tonight the kids were all going a little bananas and mama was getting a tad frustrated and Evan was being just TOO LOUD so I sent him to his room for a few minutes. When I called him back out to the kitchen to finish his supper, he comes running down the hall dressed like this: (yes that's underwear on his head and socks on his hands...I guess he found ways to amuse himself in the timeout!)

Honestly...the kid has such a personality!!!!

Have a HAPPY HALLOWEEN everyone!

BIRTHDAYS!

2008-10-27T11:35:00.002-03:00

We had a busy weekend with our birthday parties! Honestly, I know everyone says this but I can't believe my kids are getting so grown up! Dylan turned 10!!!! To me, he's still that sweet, adorable, chubby 3 year old! And our Alyssa...how could she be 5 years old already??? Seriously, it feels like we just went to China (well, we did - LOL) to get her! And now she is tall, beautiful and not a baby at all anymore!

The parties were lots of fun...believe it or not, Dylan had 16 boys at his party (at our house) and it was awesome! This is a great age where they can entertain themselves and find lots of things to do. It was a beautiful weekend so that helped with having them play street hockey and a BBQ outside!

Alyssa's party was a bit quieter with 5 girls and lots of "girl power"! Still, lots of fun with games, pinatas and cake!

I think they both really enjoyed their special days. Evan is on the countdown to his birthday (it's not until Feb) and he says "only 98 days till my happy birthday!" He's also very excited that his birthday will be in the snow! He's never seen snow before (except the pictures we've shown him) and he CANNOT wait to see it for real! I'm not sure how he'll handle the cold weather because he's already wearing his winter coat, hat and mitts, while the rest of us are still going outside in sweaters!

I'll post some pictures of my birthday kiddos in a bit...next up, Halloween and then Christmas. I just remember last year at this time being so frantic about our adoption and how slow things were moving and would our dossier EVER get sent?? And now, here we are celebrating birthdays, halloween, christmas, etc altogether as a family. It's really nice.

I know there are many of you waiting still for your children...all I can say is the waiting SUCKS but it will happen! And when it does, it is WORTH IT!!!!

Enjoy the day!

EXCITING NEWS for our friends!

2008-10-21T12:57:00.008-03:00

Our friends, Megan and Shawn, have recieved exciting news on their adoption!!! They had their dossier submitted for review. They are adopting from Ukraine, so the process is quite different from Ethiopia or China. Once their file is submitted to Ukraine, they will hear within 21 business days of their travel dates to go and find their daughter!!! CONGRATULATIONS guys!

Megan and Shawn are the first family in PEI to pursue adoption from Ukraine, they have had many battles along the way so it is extremely exciting to know they are so close to completing this adoption! If anyone would like information on the Ukraine adoption process, please let me know and I'll pass your info on to Megan. She loves to talk adoption and she knows all the ins and outs of Ukrainian adoptions!!! She does have a blog but it's private.

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Things are crazy busy here as you can probably tell from my lack of posts! :-) We have a new foster placement and it has been quite an adjustment!! Everything is going well, though. Evan is thriving and fits in like he has alwasy been here. Alyssa and Dylan both have birthdays this week so another busy weekend.

Dylan made the AA Atom Hockey team this year so he is beyond thrilled! We watched his first game on Sunday and we are so proud of him!

Here're some pics from our pumpkin picking day!

Some happenings in September

2008-10-06T21:31:00.007-03:00

A Little Boy Shower - Chris' brother, Dean, and his wife, Stacy and their family hosted another welcome shower for Evan. A few of the extended family members showed up and we had a great time chatting, eating food, visiting and enjoying the gifts for Evan. Thank you guys for hosting this shower...Evan was thrilled with a party just for him!!!

Dylan was STOKED to watch his first live NHL game and it was here in PEI. He and Chris took in the game and Dylan was beyond excited!

Chinese School started again...here are Alyssa and Evan dressed in their Chinese outfits...all the way from the Silk Factory in Beijing! (and looking too cute!)

MOON FESTIVAL - several families who've adopted from China (and some waiting to adopt) got together to celebrate Chinese Moon Festival. We had some Chinese food, special mooncakes and then walked the boardwalk with our lit lanterns.

Family Update

2008-10-01T15:42:00.005-03:00

Hi all!
I thought I'd give just a regular, drama-free update today. Life has been in such a turmoil for me lately that I thought it would do me good to write something light and share some sweet pictures of our kiddos.

I haven't updated on Evan lately so I thought I'd give a report. He is doing amazingly well. We have been home for 3 months and 3 days. It doesn't seem possible that 3 months has already gone by. Evan's speech and English is incredible. He speaks in full english sentences and is starting to catch on to Canadian slang. The other day I wasn't feeling well and I kept saying "oh my nose won't stop running" and everytime he would crack up laughing while he used his fingers to imitate "running". Of course mommy's nose wasn't "running" anywhere - I tried to explain it meant yucky stuff kept dripping out - love the image! Hee hee! He laughs everytime I say "mommy's going to jump in the shower..." and then he starts jumping up and down.

His speech is getting better all the time...he can still be hard to understand because he talks SUPER fast! When we get him to slow down and think about pronouncing the words, he does really well. He cannot say the "k" or "g" sound. The speech therapist is very optimistic but says he really needs his palate closed before we can get the best results. TODAY we finally heard Evan will have his surgery on November 14th. We are so thrilled as it will really help his speech. He is also having dental surgery at the same time so Chris and I will be heading over to the IWK (children's hospital) for several days.

Evan and Alyssa started Kindergarten and they love it! We have seen an incredible change in Alyssa as she seeks Evan out to play with and they interact much better! There is the usual bickering between siblings but not that "I hate him" venom that she displayed all summer. They play together alot more at the house now and I even hear them laughing together which makes my heart feel good.

Evan is still grieving but not as painful as before. He still talks about China and we talk about his mama every day. He'll tell me things she did or said and he'll talk about how things are different in Canada compared to China. I love hearing all about it!

Evan and Alyssa started Chinese school and it's awesome. Evan has gone in the older class as they are practicing writing chinese characters, reading and learning conversational chinese. Last week I learned Evan can read mandarin and he was listening, understanding and speaking mandarin the whole class! It was so great! Alyssa is with the younger class and they do alot of singing, crafts, basic mandarin learning and just a lot of fun interaction with the other children and leaders.

Caleb and Dylan are doing well..settling in school without any problems. Dylan has already started hockey and is in full "try out" mode! He is so fun to watch!

We still haven't decided on how to arrange activities for all the kids - Alyssa wants to take dance again this year as well as violin, Evan wants to play hockey, Caleb will be in basketball and also wants to continue with his guitar lessons and Dylan is in cross-country and hockey. So far, we've got Dylan arranged and Caleb ready for b'ball but I can't get enough evenings free to squeeze in Alyssa and Evan's activities and Caleb's guitar lessons. Whew!!! That in itself is my full time job!

Anyhoo...I really should be so thankful for the 4 little blessings (and one big blessing - Chris :-)) and not dwell on some of the sad things in my life right now. I am really trying to do that...I'll keep that in mind the next time I'm in the middle of a full blown sibling argument with angry words, tears, fists and the need to pull my hair out! :-)

Pics will be posted in a bit.

His Promise....

2008-09-25T12:56:00.006-03:00

Today is a new day, a fresh outlook, a chance for new hopes or maybe just a renewal of the "old" hopes.

I'd like to share a little something with you...Chris and I have been foster parents for about 11 years. We have shared our family and opened our home to several children. Each and every child who has come into our home has touched our family in a very positive way. Of course, every child has their own story and each story has a different ending. We have had an amazing little one with us for awhile and our whole family has really grown to love her and appreicate what a unique, special child she is. Yesterday, her story with our family ended. Or so we thought. That's what I'd like to share with you...

We found out yesterday afternoon that the little one would be returned to her mom and that they would be leaving the Island (PEI). I was really heartbroken when I heard the news. I was also told that the family would be leaving very quickly and I wouldn't get a chance to visit the little one before she left. We had prepared a package for her - some toys, coloring things, stickers, hair clips and a picture album of the time she was with us. Our social worker said we could drop the package off to him and he would make sure it got to the little one.

About 1 hour after we heard the news we received a phone call...from the little one! She wanted to talk to each of the children (by the way...she LOVES to chatter!) and I was thrilled at the chance to be able to speak to her one last time. I told the little one that we had a package for her and we would get her Social worker to bring it to her. She started to get anxious and said that she was leaving tomorrow and wouldn't be back. I kept asking her if she was sure she was leaving that soon. The little one talked to her mom and then asked me if we could go over and visit them before they left. Her mom doesn't speak very good English as she's from another country but I did understand that "yes, her mom was saying it was okay for us to visit the little one". So, I told her I would come and see her!!! The little one called back to ask if EVERYONE could come and visit her...again, I talked with her mom as best I could and explained that we had many children and was she sure she wanted me to bring everyone??? So, it was agreed that our whole family would go and visit.

I wasn't sure what to expect as we had never met the mom in person. I had talked with her on the phone a few times but had never met. We arrived at the apartment and were met with such friendliness and hospitality. It was amazing! We could have been seen as the "enemy" as can be the case in fostering, but instead we were welcomed with open arms and invited in to share with this family before they left. We stayed about 1 1/2 hours and I was able to speak with the mom for a bit. She comes from a country that is war torn and desperate. As I listened to the mom tell me a bit of her story, I was overcome with all she had suffered and lost in her life (she is younger than I am). I wonder if I would even be able to function if I had suffered all she had. She cried with me as she talked about how happy she was when the judge said she could finally be reunited with her daughter.

The little one played with all our kids and was excited and happy to be with her "friends" again. Her mom kept telling me "she is so happy with them". Yes, the little one fit in very well with our crazy crew and loved being part of a large, energetic family!

As we were getting ready to leave, the little one and her mom invited us to go to the airport and see them off. I told them I would do my very best to be there but as I was working, I wasn't sure if I could get the time off.

We went home and I have to admit, my (our) spirits were lifted a great deal! Being able to hear the mom's story and to see her joy at being with her daughter, eased a lot of my anxiety.

This morning I arrived at work and do you know what they said??? "We don't need you to come in until 12:30 so feel free to do whatever you want until then!" For real!!! Well, you know what I did - I hightailed it to the airport and saw the little one and her mom!

Again, I was blessed to be part of a tiny group of people to be there with them and to hug the little one again. We talked and laughed and hugged and shared stories. I had given her mom our phone number and address so that the little one (or the mom) could call me anytime if they needed anything at all! (I think I can now understand what it was like for Evan's foster mother to give him up after loving him for so long!)

I guess what I'm trying to say is...God did NOT close the door on this little one and our family...he left it open a bit - enough for us to stick our foot in and open it whenever we want. No, it didn't happen the way I had hoped it would but perhaps what I was praying for was selfish. I wanted the little one to stay with us. Maybe she needs her mother more than she needs a large, energetic family. God gave me the chance to meet her mom, form the beginning of a relationship with her and provide all our contact info for our future relationship. And I truly believe the door will stay open just a bit. Just enough that we can always enter through it, or the little one can come through if she needs too.

A few other interesting tidbits in this story...

While the little one lived with us, her mom called me a few times asking me to pray for her (the mom), she would call during very scary times for herself and during periods of very real grief and anxiety. A woman I had never met before but could sense that I loved her child and hoped I could help her in some way as well. I always prayed for her and helped her however I could when she called.

If you read my last few posts, you know a loved one is very sick in Toronto. My husband and I have been trying to find a way to visit her, to find when the time is right to go (more about this another post) and so on. Last night we found out the little one will be moving to Toronto and her mom has invited us to visit them there. Here are 2 very traumatic events happening to me at the same time, yet there is still that small opening in the door...

God never promised a life without pain,
Laughter without tears
Or sun without rain.
But He did promise strength for the day,
Comfort for the tears
And light for the way,
And for all who believe in His Heaven above
He rewards their faith in His everlasting love.

God did give me strength for the day, comfort for my tears and a light for my way.

Readers...would you do something for me? I'm sure you can offer much more objective views that I can for myself :-) I want you to watch the movie "Gone Baby Gone" and tell me if you think he made the right decision at the end. You will know exactly what I mean when you watch it.

It's starting...

2008-09-24T16:57:00.001-03:00

Crash #1 happened today...can't post more than that right now....it is very sad for all involved.

2008-09-24T09:46:00.002-03:00

Kathryn Scott - I Belong

Not hardship, nor hunger, no pain or depth of sorrow
Not weakness, nor failure, no broken dream or promise
Nothing can take me from Your great love
Forever this truth remains

I belong, I belong to You
I belong, I belong to You
Forever and forever I belong
Forever

Today is an important day...please pray...

I am still waiting on news of a loved one...she is in the Cardiovascular ICU in Toronto...prayer is needed....

Heavy Heart

2008-09-22T21:08:00.004-03:00

I am so sorry for the long, silent delay in posts. There have been some "things" going on in my personal life that have really burdened my heart the last 2 weeks. It has been a difficult, sad time of reliving old hurts, questioning what I'm feeling, unsure of what to do and simply trying to pray for God to reveal Himself in my life.

Another post I may share a bit of what is going on but for today I can only say that I am waiting, waiting and waiting for information that will be life changing. Life changing for me personally, for our family but also for specific individuals also involved. I am waiting for information that can potentially be amazing! Information that could make my heart fill with happiness, joy and love. Unfortunately, it is very unlikely that is the news I will hear. So, if it's not the news I am hoping to hear I am afraid my world will come crashing down around me. I know that sounds dramatic...trust me, I've been living the drama for days now.

I have been struggling with a heavy heart...I know the Bible says to pray and I have honestly been praying, searching and seeking God's voice yet I am afraid that even though God hears our (my) prayers, things still do not always work out the way we want or hope for. My biggest fear is "what if His will is not my will?" Even though what I am hoping for is for GOOD to come out of these situations. One situation is a life and death situation with a loved one. Another situation is a serious situation with a child I love very much - a decision is to be made about who she will live with, with the possiblity that I may never see her again.

When a loved one dies, how do we accept it as God's will? Especially when the loved one is not a Christian? Or, if a decision is made about this child and she lives a life of unhappiness, neglect & rejection, how can I believe God heard my prayers? This is what I've been struggling with...even though I want what is best for these people, the best may not happen for them. All around the world there is pain and suffering - God allows it to happen...what if he allows it to happen in my circumstances?

It has been a battle within myself for the past 2 weeks. I have cried many tears, searched for answers and questioned God many times. The following quote sums up what I'm struggling with:

"He is mighty to save, but He didn't save. He delights in giving us the desires of our hearts, my heart is broken. He is our refuge and strength, yet I feel vulnerable and weak. He is peace, but fear and insecurities abound. So confusing. So unsettling. And I find myself wondering if God even knows."

I believe God wants me to remember my (our) HOPE is not in this physical world but in Him and His eternal life. I have to believe that even in this hopeless world, there is HOPE in Him.

"We follow One who is not limited or defeated by the world's sufferings. Hope does not mean that we will avoid or be able to ignore suffering, of course. The surprise we experience in hope, then, is not that, unexpectedly, things turn out better than expected. For even when they do not, we can still live with a keen hope. The basis of our hope has to do with the One who is stronger than life and suffering. Faith opens us up to God's sustaining, healing presence."

I am trying to remember that if my life does come crashing down around me this week (or any week) that I still have hope, all is not lost and God has not forgotten nor failed me.

A beautiful thing...

2008-09-13T17:04:00.010-03:00

On Wednesday, my friend, Peggy hosted an amazing shower for Evan. My closest friends were there and many brought their children as we celebrated Evan's arrival to Canada and into his new family (and big circle of friends!). It was a fun night...I can't even explain in words how excited Evan was to have a "party" that was just for him and he couldn't believe all the gifts were just for him. He kept asking "for me? for me?" It was so fun to watch him open his presents and to see the absolute joy on his face as he saw each one!

Here is an excerpt from the thank you we sent everyone - it tells a little of his excitement and happiness - even into the next day!

I can assure each and every one of you that Evan absolutely cherishes EACH gift like it is his favorite. It took me awhile to settle him down for bed last night as he wanted to touch everything, open everything, play with everything. Of course, there was NO way I could get him to bed without brushing his teeth with his new Cars toothbrush and toothpaste (which he wasn’t ready to share with Alyssa yet) and then of course, being wrapped up in his new, cozy Spiderman blanket. Honestly, he was in heaven!

He woke me up at 7:00, bleary eyed, wanting me to put together that snake race track (thanks Peggy! Ha ha). So, off we went with Dylan and Alyssa (Caleb was still fast asleep – lucky him!) to put together the race track. Last night I set all his gifts out on the kitchen table so as I was trying to figure out the race track, Evan kept running into the kitchen exclaiming over his new things (with the same excitement he demonstrated last night!). Dylan, Alyssa and I were getting a big kick out of him! We did finally get the race track together and it’s very cool! As soon as that was completed, Evan wanted to watch his new Spiderman movie so he grabbed his new Spiderman Chair, snuggled in with his new Spiderman blanket, holding onto the Spiderman movie case and sat back for some movie time. He is hilarious! He was even generous enough to allow Alyssa into the living room to watch it with him!

He has touched, oohhed and aahhed, played with and sampled every single gift he received last night. He is beyond excited to have his own toys. This is the exciting, fun part of adopting a child who is a bit older – experiencing those “firsts” with them and being part of the pure joy they feel!!!

So, a very heartfelt THANK YOU to you Peggy, and to all my friends who came and welcomed Evan in this way!!!!!

Flood waters

2008-09-09T21:55:00.009-03:00

I'm late getting this post up but I wanted to show pictures of the flood we had in our subdivison during the "hurricane"/storm we had. It did rain tons and as we drove around our subdivision we realized all the ditches were overflowing with muddy water. We didn't think too much of it so we waited hours before we went around again - and when we did - we realized one of the roads was flooded and all our community kids were swimming in it! Yes, we let our kids swim in it too because, really, it was so neat and it will probably never happen again.

Dad and Mom - don't panic! - we made them shower and scrub very well when they came home...I'm thinking sewer, dog poop, cat pee, mosquitos, birds, germs, germs, germs...no one got sick so it's all good!

Here are some pics...

BEFORE THE FLOOD

DURING THE FLOOD

We had walked down this street just 1/2 hour before I took this picture and the water was completely covering this road and was up mid calf. It didn't take long for it all to disappear once the highway crew opened up a big hole under the highway to let the water through.

Dylan and his friend Canaan taking a dip

There were so many kids swimming...it was quite funny. Kids were riding their bikes through the water, doing flips in it and just being crazy.

Another area BEFORE THE FLOOD

This is known as "The Creek" and the kids go down to this bridge on their bikes or for walks. There is a small stream way below the bridge.

This is the same spot...the kids couldn't even get down the pathway the water was so deep - we couldn't find or get to the bridge at all! It was amazing!

Vacation and First Days of School

2008-09-06T10:28:00.013-03:00

Chris and I took the kids camping for a week here in PEI. It was nice to get a break but WOW a lot of work! Thanks to Dean and Stacy (Chris' brother) for letting us use their trailer - it was a great spot! We were able to visist Avonlea Village which our kids love! This is their favorite place to go in the summer. It is a little village that is set up to look like a town from Anne of Green Gables. There are actors who act our scenes from the book and lots of fun activities for the kids to see and do. There is a house where people can dress up and take their own pictures...our kids got a great kick out of that. As you can see, we have 2 "Annes" and 2 "Gilberts".

-
The kids enjoyed the camping...the weather wasn't too bad, we had a few nice days and a few rainy ones. I think I was just anxious to get back home and get everything ready for "back to school" - seriously, I know it's terrible but I was counting down the days, hours and minutes. Let me just say it's been a LOOOOOOOOOOOOONG summer!

Our very own Annes and Gilberts

BACK TO SCHOOL - YAY!

Caleb - grade 7 (Oh, I so want to cut his hair!!! He wants to have long hair for Jr. High!!)

Dylan - Grade 5

Evan and Alyssa - Kindergarten

2008-09-01T13:38:00.010-03:00

Alyssa Li

Evan Jun

There is so much I want to write, so much on my heart. I just don't feel like I could even share it in a way that makes sense, that's how much is going on in my heart and mind. This adoption has made me feel things I didn't expect (both good and bad) and it has once again filled my heart with an even deeper passion, compassion and hurt for the rest of the children still living and breathing each day, broken and without someone to love them.

I honestly prayed for peace after this adoption - peace from this burden of knowing the hurts and pain of so many children around the world. I believe God is pushing me towards more and not necessarily more adoptions. In fact, I don't think more adoptions for our family will happen and I'm actually okay with that (hard to believe, I know!) but I feel a sense of urgency that God is pushing me (us/our family???) to something else...something that makes me think "but that's impossible" yet that's exactly how God shows himself - through the impossible!

Anyway...like I said, too much going on inside for me to even express it so I'll save it for later. But, in the meantime, I came across this song and so here it is ...to honor the loss our beautiful, precious, adopted children suffer, the loss their birth parents suffer but also to honor the amazing gift they are to us - their moms and dads.

Everything To Me

Mark Shultz

I must have felt your tears

When they took me from your arms
I’m sure I must have heard you say goodbye
Lonely and afraid you had made a big mistake
Could an ocean even hold the tears you cried?

But you had dreams for me
You wanted the best for me
And you made the only choice you could that night

You gave life to me
A brand new world to see
Like playing baseball in the yard with dad at night
Mom reading Goodnight Moon
And praying in my room
So if you worry if your choice was right
You gave me up...
but you gave everything to me

And if I saw you on the street
Would you know that it was me
And would your eyes be blue or brown like mine
Would we share a warm embrace
Would you know me in your heart
Or would you smile and let me walk on by
Knowing you had dreams for me
You wanted the best for me
Oh...I hope that you’d be proud of who I am

You gave life to me
A chance to find my dreams
And a chance to fall in love
You should have seen her shining face
On our wedding day
Oh is this the dream you had in mind
When you gave me up
You gave everything to me

And when I see you there
Watching from heaven’s gates
Into your arms I’m gonna run
And when you look into my eyes
You can see my whole life
See who I was
And who I’ve become

You gave everthing to me

Hello again!

2008-08-31T13:36:00.003-03:00

Well, the countdown is on for school...3 days for Evan and Alyssa and 4 days for Caleb and Dylan. We organized all the school supplies, sneakers, lunch bags, backpacks and all the other little goodies needed for a fresh school year.

I want to draw your attention to the video I posted on the side of my blog (right side). It's a bit long (about 10 minutes) but it is so good to watch. It talks about passion for orphans, God's passion for orphans and believing God is big enough to make a difference!

If you want to see the video full size, click on this link.

Slowing Down...

2008-08-25T12:56:00.008-03:00

There are some things Chris and I are working on (outside our family life) and I have found there is not time for blogging! We are doing well, the kids are doing well and we are taking a bit of a break before school starts again. I will start blogging again but for the next little bit, things are going to be craaaazzzzzyyyyyyyyy!

There were HUNDREDS of ladybugs at this beach...the kids loved them. Alyssa and Evan with their "lucky ladybugs"!

Oh, the girls are going to be swooning over this hunk!!! :-)

Gorgeous - but then I'm biased!

Cutie pie EVAN!

Rolling along!

2008-08-20T14:59:00.006-03:00

It is so hard to believe we are almost at the end of August! Dylan has started back with hockey- he is attending camp this week and again next week and then he'll be heading to tryouts. It seems like we just finished and here we are again back at the rink. I actually love it and look foward to Dylan's hockey season. I took Alyssa and Evan to the rink yesterday to watch Dylan and Evan kept complaining that he was cold! Oh, he has so much to get used to! The rink will soon be his second home! :-)

Alyssa and Evan start full-day Kindergarten in less than 2 weeks!! I took them today to see their new school, classroom and to meet their teacher. Alyssa's 2 best friends are also going to the same Kindergarten so she is VERY excited! She has made it very clear that Evan is NOT allowed to sit beside her and her friends. Wow, the attitudes start so young.

Evan is doing amazing - he is learning so much English and is speaking quite well. He has also been teaching all of us many, many chinese words. I love hearing all the kids talking to him in Chinese. I try but I really suck at it (and he doesn't mind telling me so either!).

Life is starting to settle down and I feel like we are getting our groove back. Our biggest issue is still the jealousy with Alyssa. The other day she says to me, "Why did you want to get him anyway?!" And then other days, she will tell Evan all about how we waited for him and looked at his picture everyday and how happy we were to go to China. I guess being 4 (and being female!) gives you the right to change your mind according to the day.

I am blown away by what a wonderful little boy Evan is. He has a really awesome sense of humor, not like a silly boy sense of humor, but a mature, really funny sense of humor. He is sweet, endearing, has excellent manners, loves to play with the kids - just all around wonderful! He is still very needy in that he constantly calls to me and wants my attention all the time but other than that, there are absolutely no complaints at all!

My parents came to visit over the weekend and all our kids love, love, love to see Grampie and Grammie! They don't live in PEI so we don't get to see them as often as we would like so it's always a special treat when they come. It was a nice treat for me, too because they cooked us some meals, took us out for supper, watched the kids while Chris and I went on a dinner date and helped with some house chores.

Chris and I are working on something special and we hope to have it ready to present to the "world" in the next few weeks. It should be really good and we are excited about it...more to come on that!

Grampie and Grammie with the "gang"!

Some more family fun!

2008-08-12T13:47:00.006-03:00

Over the weekend we were able to visit with Dean and Stacy and their kids (Dean is Chris' brother). They have a trailer up at Marco Polo land and this week was Halloween week. The kids got to dress up and go "trick or treating" at the campground. Yup, they LOVED that. Evan and Alyssa ran full tilt from trailer to trailer getting candy. All the kids came home with bundles of halloween treats.

We also visited Shining Waters Fun Park and the kids had a blast. It was a kind of rainy, cold day but that didn't stop the kids from the water slides, pool area and going on all the rides! It was actually kind of nice because the line ups weren't long.

The weather has been crappy here in PEI since the beginning of August. I'm finding it's helping our family, though because we've been staying home and just hanging out at the house. Everyone is getting along pretty well (Alyssa and Evan have their usual arguments about 25 times a day!) and we've been able to settle into a nice routine.

I feel my sanity returning and feel like we are all getting comforable with Evan and he's feeling happy about being here with us!

The kids (our kids and their cousins) getting ready to head out to "trick or treat"

Poor Dylan was running too fast and lost his leg! Ha ha ha...this was a cool display at one of the trailers!

Evan enjoying one of the rides at the Fun Park

Like I said...the rain and cold didn't stop the kids from loving the water slides...here's Dylan coming in for a landing!

Just a really cute picture of Alyssa -

captures her superior attitude very well! :-)

Mom, Evan and Alyssa

A family day

2008-08-09T09:33:00.012-03:00

Yesterday was my birthday and it was one of the very few days our family spent together since adopting Evan. Chris has been extremely busy at work and we just haven't had a chance to go out together as a family and enjoy family activities. Chris was home sick from work but by the afternoon he was feeling better so we dragged him to town to enjoy some of the touristy PEI things...we went to the park, the waterfront, we went on the Harbour Hippo (it's a hour ride that tours around town and then goes in the water for a boat ride), went out for a birthday supper...it was a lot of fun and the kids LOVED the Harbour Hippo ride!!!

Evan continues to do so well...he is speaking so much English now and is understanding almost all of what we say to him. I am worried about him losing his mandarin so we are looking for a mandarin speaking lady to come into our home and care for Alyssa and Evan 2 days a week while I'm at work and they are not in Kindergarten. I think it would be awesome for the kids and I would love to have someone who might be able to show me a few chinese cooking tricks and teach us some cultural things about China.

I just have to say how absolutely sweet and adorable Evan is. I just can't believe what an incredibly boy he is - he has so much personality - he is extremely funny and mischevious (in a fun way), he is happy, outgoing and a tease. This is a contrast to Alyssa because Alyssa tends to be very serious and is always "thinking" whereas Evan is all outgoing energy. Every single day I just adore him more and more!

Who needs words....

2008-08-06T16:57:00.006-03:00

when the pictures speak for themselves! (Things are going great this week!)

Back home...back to reality!

2008-08-03T20:48:00.002-03:00

So, I'm home! I got home last night about 12:45 am. It felt so good to be in a familiar town. It was exciting to see the kids again and Chris, of course. He is exhausted and glad to see me as well :-) I have to say, he did really well. It's not easy having the 4 kids all day and night for 4 days!!! The laundry was also completely done, the house was extremely neat and the kids were bathed/showered...so all in all....a great job for a man! ha ha ha ha (but, really!)

The Conference was amazing! I was able to go to many fantastic workshops and I spent 3 hours at a training workshop on handling racism in transracial families. It was a real eye opener for me. I thought I knew a lot about adoption but I really, really needed to hear what I did. I feel like I should gather every adoptive parent and read them all my notes so they can hear it too! So often, we belive love is enough but it so isn't. It's definitely important and essential but it will not be enough.

So, now I'm in the midst of planning a Maritime Adoption Conference. I have asked a couple of great speakers to come for 2 days and we will have some agency personnel as well. Of course, we'll keep you posted on that!

I have lots of pictures of the kids but haven't had a chance to load them on the computer. I'll post some in the next day or so. Evan continues to do very well and I feel very refreshed and energized after my time away so I'm hoping this next month will be WAY better than the last month! I also had some great talks with my agency directors (Bob and Yulin) and they were very helpful with advice and very supportive. They live in Ottawa and they were fabulous while I was in Ottawa...Yulin took me on a tour of Ottawa, they bought me supper (and lunch) and then had me over to their house for supper where I was able to meet their daughter (adopted from China), Yulin's mom, her nephew and Mike (who also works for FOI). They really took care of me which I needed because I was really nervous being all alone! I'm a bit of a wuss!

So, stay tuned about the adoption conference in PEI becasue it's going to be amazing - plus we will get to socialize and hang out - what a blast!

Off to the Adoption Conference

2008-07-30T08:46:00.003-03:00

well, today I'm heading to Ottawa to attend the National Adoption Conference. Attending the conference sounded like such a great idea BEFORE I went to China but now that we're back and things are crazy, I'm having second thoughts.

Don't get me wrong, I'm very excited about the Conference itself and the workshops and meeting other adoptive parents but I just don't know if the timing is right. I'm not sure Evan is ready for me to leave for 4 days. Chris is taking the time off work and he will be with the kids - I'm thrilled about that - there's no way Evan could have stayed with a babysitter! I'm not sure if Chris is ready for this either!! :-)

The last month has been extremely challenging. There is nothing negative I can say about Evan - he is an amazing boy. It's the whole situation; the adjustment, the changes and disruption to our other children, the busyness of Chris working day and night and me feeling alone and being with the all the kids 24/7. It's a lot more difficult than either Chris or I anticipated. I really wish my family lived here in PEI as I could really use the support of going to visit, have them take one or two of the kids sometimes, have meals with them, etc.... But, Chris and I talked about all this last night and we know it's going to be fine, we just have to take one day at a time. Soon, we will all get our own groove and will flow together again.

So, back to the Adoption Conference...because things have been so insane here at home, I feel guilty about taking 4 days all to myself (did I mention I am staying in a suite with a king size bed all by myself???!!!) and leaving Chris to face the insanity by himself! Now granted, Chris is much more laid back, patient and easy going than I could ever be so he will probably handle this wonderfully.

On the bright side...I do get 3 blissful nights of peace and quiet, reading, baths and take out food whenever I want. And, I get to attend a really fabulous conference with TONS of workshops on all kinds of adoption issues. So, Chris has told me to make sure I enjoy it and and not waste this opportunity worrying about him and the kids or feeling guilty that I shouldn't have gone. I'm going to try to take his advice and enjoy every moment!!!

Where to begin...

2008-07-28T10:38:00.010-03:00

I've debating what to write for several days. There are so many different things I could focus on.

I think todayI will just focus on the update from our trip to Halifax and the IWK.

Evan was a trooper...we only had 2 major meltdowns, which considering we saw 6 specialists who all wanted something from him, not too bad. The surgeon said his lip repair was excellent so they won't need to redo that anytime soon. (I'm glad as I'm very partial to the way he looks now - I don't want it changed). Evan's hearing is also excellent - he was amazing on the hearing test.

What we do know:

Evan will be heading back in 2 months for a surgery to repair the hole in his palate and to have some work done on the soft palate (at the back of his throat).

Evan will be heading back for dental surgery as several teeth need to be pulled.

Evan will need a bone graft surgery to repair his gum and hard palate (near the front of his mouth). We're not sure when this will take place yet.

We need to go back every 6 months for now to monitor all his "needs" and to see how his surgeries are healing. So, pretty much what we were expecting. Evan also will continue with his speech therapy but both the speech therapist here in PEI and the one at the Children's Hospital said he had excellent sounds and they hear a lot of potential so we were very excited with this news!

At the end of all our appointments, we walked out into the hallway to see my parents. Evan took off running and jumped into Grampie's arms for a big hug. My parents live in NS so we don't get to see them as much as we would like. They were here for a few days when we came back from China but we haven't seen them since. It was fun to see how Evan reacted to seeing them.

Part 1 of the Hearing Test

Getting measured and weighed as we waited for the surgeon. He is 32 pounds.

Getting those teeth checked out...what a cool dude in those sunglasses!

Hanging out with mom while we wait

Heading back home

A much better week so far!

2008-07-23T21:42:00.002-03:00

This week has been so much better! Not great, definitely not perfect but definitely better. It helps that 3 of the kids are going to Vacation Bible School each morning for 3 hours. Evan doesn't want to stay and who can blame him? 126 unfamiliar children and about 40 unfamiliar leaders and he doesn't understand anything that's being said. But, I can assure you having 1 child each morning, compared to the 4 of them is quite a relief! Caleb, Dylan and Alyssa are all really enjoying the VBS so it works out all around. Today Chris and I headed to Halifax with Evan for his appointments at the IWK Children's Hospital. I hate to admit it, but I am so excited to be staying at the hotel and having a quiet night of eating out, swimming (and hot tub!) and reading. It's nice to be alone with Evan - this is our first time ever! A very nice surprise when we arrived at the hotel - our dad had arranged for the hotel and then he had come already come to the hotel and paid for the room! THANK YOU DAD AND LYNN! What a blessing!

So, tomorrow Evan will see 6 specialists and I can't wait to hear what they all say. I'll keep you all posted!!

THANK YOU to everyone who left comments, send me very encouraging emails and phoned! Last week was terrible - I'm sure there will many weeks that go well and then I'll hit a wall again and have low weeks. You are great supporters and encouragers!!!

Tammy

Ups and downs and all the in betweens

2008-07-20T20:07:00.009-03:00

This has been a very trying week for me (and since they're stuck with me, probably for the kids as well). Evan continues to do so amazing but I'm finding myself irritable, tired and worn out. Although Evan continues to do well, it is still 24/7 handling the communication issues, the constant demands, the whining, the grieving, etc... Caleb, Dylan and Alyssa are also trying to deal with this new addition and they are feeling left out, ignored (even though I'm trying hard not to let this happen!) and overwhelmed by all that has happened in the last 3 weeks.

We've been trying to do fun activities each day but all we end up with are arguments, complaining and a frustrated group of kids and a mom! The older boys don't want to do anything the young ones want to do and the young ones are the same. We live in beautiful PEI, surrounded by amazing beaches, yet none of my children like the beach :-(

The playgrounds are too "babyish", the skateboard park is too grown up, the pools are too deep for Alyssa and Evan, the water parks and amusement parks are too expensive, blah blah blah -you get the drift.

Anyhoo...I know in my head this is all part of adjusting and transitioning...but, it's still hard to actually live through it, I guess.

Some people kind of look at me like (and a few have even said!!), "well, you're the one who wanted to adopt another child" as if every moment of my life should now be pure bliss! Oh sure, everyone who chooses to have a biological child has never had days of frustration, exhaustion and lonliness???? Just because I'm feeling this way doesn't mean I regret for a moment our choice to adopt. I'm just a busy mother going through a major transition...I'm sure it will get better.

On a postive note, I took Evan to the speech therapist and she is extremely optimistic! She said he had lots of great sounds already and is so quick to learn. He is able to blow bubbles, blow a whistle, and is getting better at sucking through a straw. These are all big accomplishments for a cleft affected child.

Enjoy some photos...there are good times to be had even during the ups and downs!

Mom & Evan - he really is the sweeting thing!

In honor of Evan's obsession with Ultraman, his cousins did Ultraman poses for him!

Beautiful smile!

The boys, with their friends, playing a little game of "chicken" (my friend Kate's house - that's her in the background)

Can anyone guess what's going to happen???

Oops...too much momentum and out the pool they went!

Hot & Sticky

2008-07-17T21:24:00.003-03:00

Yes, the days have been beautiful - we are all hot and sticky. By the end of the day I'm exhausted - maybe from the heat, maybe from the constant demands of 4 children, most likely both.

Evan has his first speech therapy session tomorrow and then we are off to the Children's Hospital in Nova Scotia on Wednesday. Finally, we can get his palate and lip assessed, his hearing, his dental needs and get lots of questions answered. We are anticipating surgeries to take place in September - one for his lip/soft palate (??) and for his hard palate. We'll find out for sure next week.

Evan is picking up LOTS of english. He is speaking more and more words every day. He is still very good at his "charades" (acting out what he is saying or wants) and we all love watching him - he's very creative!!!

I'm really tired tonight so I can't think of much to write but I'll add more soon!

Tammy

One Month

2008-07-15T11:39:00.011-03:00

Today marks 4 weeks since we had our "gotcha" day with Evan. It's still hard to believe we actually have him with us. I LOVE going into his room at night and seeing him sleeping there, touching his face and finally knowing he is ours!

I have to take the time today to write about our amazing agency. The ONLY reason we are home with Evan is because of their dedication, commitment and compassion for Evan and our family. And they demonstrate this for all their families. Our agency is Family Outreach International.

Our agency spent hours working to make our adoption a success. Even through blunders (we won't say with who!), our agency tirelessly made phone calls, emails and personal visits to the right people to ensure our paperwork was completed and Evan could be ours. Before we traveled, Bob and Yulin called or emailed us over and over to reassure us and to keep us up to date on our file. While in China, Yulin spent 2 whole days with the phone glued to her ear to move things along for us.

I can't begin to explain the emotional strain we felt the day we didn't receive Evan (and all the other families did) and then the next day we sat in our hotel room all day waiting for a phone call that would tell us whether we could get Evan or not. That day, Yulin called every hour to update us on the progress. We were so relieved to finally get "the call" to pick up our son at 4:46 pm!

Without the support and caring of our agency, I can say for certain we would not be home with our Evan right now. It means the world to us that someone cared enough to tirelessly work on behalf of our son and our family. That is the spirit of adoption - never giving up on any child!

I wish the personnel who work for International Adoptions in PEI could experience even a moment of the joy and emotion of finally having your adopted child given to you. To experience the first look, the first smile, the first touch, to hear the sound of "Mommy"...

I know for certain, if this could be experienced, paperwork would be a joy to complete at the Adoption's office and therefore, no more delays, no more resistance - just a time of happiness and compassion for the children who will finally come "home".

yeah...that's my "What If..."

This is a group picture taken from this weekend - the adopting families on PEI got together for some camping. It was a great time!!! You can all tell what Evan's thinking, "Oh yeah, I'm surrounded by chicks!". Seriously, what a group of beautiful girls for him to grow up with! Hopefully there will be some more boys in the group as well!

We made the call!

2008-07-13T23:45:00.006-03:00

Our family had an amazing time tonight at a BBQ hosted by some of our Chinese friends. I was really looking foward to it because I knew there would be children there who spoke mandarin and who were Chinese. I hoped Evan would be comfortable and would finally be able to speak freely! All our kids had a great time...we were there for 3 hours and they begged us to not to leave when it was time to go!

My friend, Ling, called Evan's foster mother while we were there and it went really well. It was a great decision to call her and she was thrilled to hear how well Evan was doing and to know he was very happy. His foster mother asked if we would send pictures and letters to her every couple of months and we are happy to do that! She said she couldn't sleep very well at night because she missed Jun Jun so much and was very worried about him. Ling told me his foster mother sounded very happy and excited to hear from us and to know Evan was safe and loved.

We did let Evan talk to her and HE WAS SO EXCITED! He couldn't stop smiling the whole time he talked to her. It was so sweet (even if my heart broke just a little) and I think it was good for him to hear her voice and to know she was still accessible. After he talked with her, he took off with the boys and played and he didn't really act any differently. He still talked about her at bedtime but it wasn't any different or any more emotional than usual.

She asked if we would take Evan back to visit her in the next year or two :-) We'll see - I'm still having nightmares about the traveling we just did!!! But really, we would love to take our whole family back to China and visit Alyssa's orphanage and visit with Evan's foster family. I would love to visit the orphanages we are supporting as well.

So, in the end, a great day with friends and a happy time with the phone call.

Sweet dreams everyone!

Lazy Days of Summer

2008-07-11T15:57:00.007-03:00

I'm BACK!

2008-07-10T11:49:00.004-03:00

Yes, I'm back! I mean this in so many ways...first of all, I finally feel 100% like myself again. We are fully over jetlag and feel great. I also feel like myself again after months of being in adoption limbo. I do not want to make anyone feel bad who is still waiting but I do want to say what a relief it is to be anxiety free! I can't believe how different I feel emotionally and even physically now that I don't have to worry about all the "when's", "ifs", "whys" anymore.

Evan continues to amaze us. He is an absolutely fantastic little boy. I really mean that - he is funny, happy, sweet, smart, and so much more. Chris and I really couldn't have imagined how perfect he would be for our family. Even though he is 5, he is still tiny and wants (needs!) to be hugged and cuddled. He plays amazingly well with our children and on his own. He sleeps fantastic (11 hours each night) and is beginning to eat our Canadian food (still prefers his noodles, though!). We are just so thrilled with him!

Evan is still missing his "mama" so much. He continues to cry for her at bedtime but it's not a full-out sobbing like it was in the beginning. He gets sad and touches her picture and says, "Mama, Mama". Last night he pointed to himself and said "Evan" and then touched the picture of his foster mother and said "Wa Eye Knee Mama" (I love you Mama). It was a little jab to my heart BUT I know it's okay and normal for him to be feeling this way. And in the end, it is me he comes to for comfort and love so he is bonding and attaching to me as well.

THANK YOU to everyone for your prayers, advice and support on the phone call issue. We are definitely going to call his foster mother, although I may talk to her the first time (with a translator of course). I'm just going to go with my instincts when I'm talking with her. You are a very great group of friends and encouragers!!!!

Can you believe we haven't had ONE meltdown since we came to Canada? I've even taken the kids (all of them) to Walmart, Superstore, etc... by myself and haven't had any incidents. Evan is doing so well...he has definitely caught on to the "no" and knowing we mean it when we say it. I guess patience and consistency does work -even though it is way too hard to do in the heat of the moment! :-)

I seriously cannot say enough about how wonderful Evan is doing, how our kids are doing (they adore him!!!) and how our whole family is adjusting. Thank you for your prayers!!!

I am ALWAYS willing to talk/email with people who are interested in adoption so please don't hesitate to email me!! And now I actually have some experience with Waiting Children, older children adoption and out of birth order adoption and I can honestly say "it's all good!" (The Office in case you didnt' know!)

PICTURES ARE COMING!!!

I'm still here...

2008-07-07T18:46:00.001-03:00

I'm still here and things are going fairly well....I will post more later but I didn't want you to think I had abandoned my blog! Evan is still missing his mama every day (at nighttime) but is doing well during the day.

We went camping over the weekend so I didn't get a chance to blog. The weather is amazing here so we are trying to enjoy it as much as we can before it goes away for another 10 months! :-)

More to come....

Would you call?

2008-07-02T20:29:00.009-03:00

First, enjoy the photos of the kids...they are just way too cute (yes, I'm biased!). Second, I need your advice...read below! THANKS!

Our 4 munchkins on Canada Day
Miss Alyssa

Evan and Alyssa had a blast in our slide pool today! The weather was hot and beautiful and it felt good to enjoy a real summer day at home with the kids! (ask me in a few weeks and it might be a different story...ha ha ha!)

The big splash

Evan's ready to give it a try

Could he be having more fun?!

The kids are having a great time together - thank goodness! Alyssa and Evan played a lot today and they were actually laughing and having fun. Alyssa has been a bit stand-offish towards Evan since we came home. The other night we were getting ready for bed and she asked me "Are we keeping Evan for good?". I know it can be a bit confusing for her because we have many foster children who come and go and we have explained to her many times that Evan was being adopted like she was but...she's only 4 and it's still confusing. I couldn't tell if she was disappointed or not when I told her, "Yes, Evan is staying with us for good!".

So, I am looking for advice/input!!! We have contact info for Evan's foster mother - I know she is missing Evan so much and I know Evan is missing her. Do you think I should let Evan talk to her on the phone? Do you think it will be too much for him to handle? Maybe she can offer him some comfort that I can't? Please let me know what you think!!

Tears and heartbreak

2008-07-02T12:36:00.002-03:00

We are still here and doing well. Jetlag is getting easier and easier for Chris and I (Evan and Caleb didn't seem to have any at all!!). I mostly feel cranky and tired in the mornings but by afternoon I'm feeling lots better.

My parents left this morning after staying and helping for the last few days. They were so great to help with the laundry, meals, the kids and just being here. Chris also started back to work today so it's just me and my little "gang". So far, so good....

Last night Evan finally began his grieving. We were thinking is was just too wierd for him to be so happy and not show any signs of missing his old life or his "mama". After I put him to bed last night, Dylan called me to say Evan was crying. I went in his room and Evan was sobbing and pointing to the picture of him and his foster mother saying "MaMa", "MaMa". It was absolutely heartbreaking. I can't imagine what that must feel like for him - to want his mama so much but can't see her or talk to her. I just held him and rocked him for awhile and then got him out of bed and we played with Alyssa and read stories. I finally got him settled and asleep around 10:30. I know he has to go through this but it is really difficult. Luckily, we do have some contact info for his foster mother and we are going to contact her very soon. I know she must be missing her sweet Jun Jun as well!

Adoption is such a complex experience - so much joy and so much sadness, all mixed together.